30 days no PMO! 1/3 way to my goal

Today I woke up and thought to check how many days I've been PMO free (I don't maintain a counter- tried to get it through Google, didn't like the sign up, so decided to do without it) and to my delight I have completed 30 days of my 90 day challenge!

What helped and what didn't! :
0. This community (which I now see as this diverse manifestation of the one Consciousness or God if you are ok with my saying that although this is a secular site- forgive me if I offend anyone). Seriously, reading the posts and the tremendously supportive people here including my AP- big thank you xeno-R3deemed, you have been so supportive since day 1 and put your problems in the background to help me- humble namaste to you!
Thanks to Buzz Lightyear for welcoming me to the community early. You are a Renaissance man, poet-philosopher and it was a riot to read your posts...
Thanks trevor.james for your welcome also.
And to Rav70 for your support and feedback on my journal - did wonders to know that it resonated with women too
To IGY for keeping my ego in check
To SolidStance, WOTL and fercho29 for some very inspiring posts
To cud, JackStrident, JohnDoe2016, Cleaning Colin, silverlukas, deadrole7- learned so much from you guys.

1. I realize that I'd actually tapered off my PMO quite a bit even before coming to NoFap, so my starting point was pretty good. I'd already destroyed any P collection several years ago, and wasn't storing any material, but I was visiting P sites and the trickle had started to become a bit too regular, which is what motivated me to start a reboot on Jan 9th. I went 10 days no PMO, hit the flatline, got worried if my seriously shrunken penis would work ever again (lol now ), and tested with PMO on Jan 18th. Of course it worked, so I felt foolish to have reset. So first lesson learned: DO NOT TEST, it is pointless.

2. From then till today it has been a bumpy ride, but there are pretty long patches of good clarity and not much urge. I would say the urge to P has almost completely gone. I don't want to see that stuff. I actually don't have any blocker on my laptop and didn't find it hard to resist. Twice I caught myself drifting. Once on the phone reading the NY Times there was a photo of celebrities and I caught myself looking at it for too long. Another time I followed a link from the same NY times feed to another news article on a singer that had somewhat provocative pictures (no nudity whatsoever, but could have triggered- and I could resist). Since these were on regular news articles I didn't really reset (besides I didn't include P Subs in my goal) and I wouldn't really classify these as P subs (that's a personal take). I feel that these kinds of images will always be encountered in today's world and I have to be strong enough to take them and not get all tied up about it. The good thing was it didn't lead to real P or MO. I could resist. In time I believe the thoughts will pull away faster, but I don't want to beat up on myself for this. Retraining the mind is going to take time. I know for instance that I can have bottles of wine at my home and I don't drink any more (haven't for 9 or so years). So the time will come when I can see these images and not linger over them for more than a second.

3. Diet: I don't eat garlic or onions if I can avoid it. In Ayurveda and Indian thought these excite the passions and I can vouch for that from personal experience. Other than that I am vegetarian and a non-drinker, so I feel these helped me on this reboot.

4. Yoga and meditation which have been a major part of my life for the last 6 years have always helped. In fact, even before quitting PMO people used to remark how bright my face looks, my aura etc. But I knew I was slowly leaking this every time I PMO-ed, so stopping has done even more for me. I practice yoga postures both in the morning and evening, and meditate for 50 mins both morning at sunrise and evening around sunset.

5. Prayer. I got into the habit of chanting prayers both in the morning and evening at sunset. It may sound stupid (and I know this is a secular site), but the simple repetitive act of repeating something that is uplifting, that connects to our true Self as the one Consciousness has helped me deal with the disappointment, sadness, frustration from unmet expectations and occasional anger of being rejected by my latest love interest.

6. Exercise: major major help. Started a gym membership and the daily workout really takes the edge off. I don't do much, treadmill for 10 mins or so till I break a sweat, some light upper body work on the machines, but it feels great and ensures I get to bed early.

7. Volunteering: I started teaching a free yoga class in my community and that service made me get out of the house and helping people and seeing their gratitude was a big boost.'

8. Reconnecting with people: I already had two yoga study groups meeting at my place twice a week and these continued to be a big support.

9. Journaling, posting writing: for me this was actually the biggest help. Just rewiring my thinking about women, letting go of the anger of rejection of being dumped, reframing the entire view of the interaction, opening the heart, understanding personality theory and the limitations our personality imposes on all our interactions.

The benefits:
HUGE. Feel alive, really pumped up in a good way (not the caffeinated feeling), sexual drive is pointed in the right direction - towards real women, clarity and decisiveness are up, I feel women can feel the energy radiating from this self-control, calmer, singing voice is better, guitar playing has improved, wake up earlier, I feel more potent- that's the word!

The not so good: There is still brain fog hang over from the PMO. This stuff is deadly and I didn't know it. Reading and watching videos from YBOP is such a revelation. These biochemicals and the thought control that is needed to reset them is quite a challenge. Frustration with sex drive on but no partner at the moment takes some dealing with, but it is not insurmountable. Waaay better than being on P, that's for sure...

Strangely enough, today was tough with some urges- working from home, but I decided to write this post and feel confident I can see this through. NoFap PANIC button is a god send.

Hope this is helpful to some of you on this quest. More power to all on the challenge and I am planning to make the 90 day without a reset. I hope I pass that milestone without anticipation and no thought given to it, so that this becomes the new normal. No more looking at counters. Just got to get out more and interact with eligible women while at the same time practicing non-attachment at every instant!

 

Thanks for reading and for the encouragement! Hope your quest is good well today.

 

Cud, it is amazing to hear your thoughts on these matters. I'm always awestruck by the connectedness of our human experience. Feels like talking to someone I've known for a long time. Seemingly separated by geography, language, culture but connected through the commonalities of human expected. Power on today! YB

 

Er human experience ; darn autocomplete!

 

Thank you Buzz! I like the analogy of taming an unruly horse. I know my victory is in large part due to all the encouragement and support that you and others are giving me here. It is indeed a remarkable pilgrimage we're all together on. Soldier on and let's rejoice in the beauty and delight of the world as we do this. Have a great day! YB

 

Thank you. 45 days is an awesome streak! I appreciate your understanding and would be delighted to contribute whatever little I know to a thread along the lines you suggest. I wish you all success in your quest. I am slowly learning how important brahmacarya- walking in the pure Consciousness by being celibate- is crucial for true and sustained spiritual being, and also how bloody hard it is when I've let this unruly mind walk so long in the path of adhArmic (those paths not sanctioned by dharma or natural and divine law) desire. (Forgive the parenthetical explanations- I don't want to exclude anyone who is also interested in this post/thread.) Now I must make the effort needed to tame this unruly mind. Since the finest part of food consumed becomes the mind, yes sAttvic food free of onions and garlic does help. May we all attain our noble goals by the grace of the Divine.

 

Sounds good. Makes sense to do what you can and not beat up on yourself. I'll start that thread and let you know. All the best. YB

 

Today is Day 38, and it is not always easy. The urge to MO comes on strong sometimes. Luckily not much urge to watch P any more. The absence of a woman is sometimes felt deeply, but it passes. Two key points come to mind:
@Buzz Lightyear had used the analogy of an unruly horse and that had triggered a deep memory in my mind.

In the Kathopanishad (one of the major Upanishads), the analogy of a chariot is used to describe human experience. The chariot is the body, the horses are the senses, the lower vacillating mind is the bridle, the charioteer is our buddhi (the wise, self-reflecting, decisive, conscience-filled, truth-knowing part of the mind, sometimes called intellect), the passenger in the chariot is our true Self that feels individuated although it is one with the Cosmic Consciousness. The paths on which the horses ride as the sense objects- such as images of women, P, and other good things too. The intelligent human being has reined in the unruly horses of the senses by making his wisdom (buddhi) stronger than the lower vacillating mind. His horses go safely through the paths of the sense objects without disturbing the passenger, and his Consciousness shines brightly. The unwise human allows his horses to run unchecked amidst the sense objects and suffers greatly. This is why the very creation of mental images that disturb the senses is the root of all misery, and their control is so important. There are some very good posts by @WOTL on these mental triggers and how to practice avoiding them.

Another verse from the Bhagavad Gita came to mind. In that the Lord Krishna tells Arjuna
'Thinking of objects attachment to them develops. From attachment comes desire. From frustration of desire comes anger.'
'From anger arises delusion, and from delusion loss of memory (of the wise ways of the self-controlled), from loss of this memory the buddhi (wisdom of self-reflection and taking the right decision) perishes, and from loss of wisdom the human being verily perishes.'

These are so logical and simple and yet sometimes hard to put into practice.

The key is this: The repetitive thinking of images unproductive of peace are the root problem.
In P it is a fantasy of images that are associated with stimulation of the sex organ resulting in momentary pleasure and loss of life force through loss of semen.
Even when that is controlled, the mind moves to fantasizing about women encountered in real life. Even this is bound to lead to problems. The mind has to be trained to respond to the sexual urge only in the actual moment when the woman is right there. The rest of the time the life force and semen have to be retained and moved upward to further higher pursuits.

The mind knows it but it is still unruly at times. Slowly, slowly, by degrees one will have to withdraw.

I fully believe that the result of this will be outstanding sexual experience in the 'here-now' when it happens. The techniques of Taoist love by Mantak Chia are very useful and relevant.

And if not, the mind will not have dwelt on pointless images at least.

The long-time conditioning of the mind's fascination with sexual fantasy will take time to modify, so one has to be patient.
Wish you all the best in your endeavors! YB

 

Thanks so much. I wish you the same in your endeavor my friend! YB