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Vacation ?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Queenie%Bee, Aug 9, 2019.

  1. Aug 9, 2019 #1
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    :emoji_busts_in_silhouette:Need opinions / advice .
    In March , We booked and paid in FULL for our annual 7 night trip to Aruba at the end of September , NO KIDS .
    Non - refundable. A lot of money .
    How do I approach this conversation when we are living together separately barely speaking other than your basic hello . I wasn’t making much when we booked , so basically he paid for it . I’m not NOT going . I didn’t change the trajectory of our relationship, I didn’t change what the future SHOULD have been . I’m not an asshole , he deserves to go to too .
    He may not WANT to go with me how things are anyways , In that case I’d go solo . Maybe rip the band aid off and text him ? I do not hate him , can play nice . I am an over analyzer by nature :emoji_busts_in_silhouette::emoji_face_palm::emoji_fish::emoji_palm_tree:
     
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 9, 2019
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 9, 2019
    #1
  2. Aug 9, 2019 #2
    bms1985

    bms1985 Fapstronaut

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    Hey lovely strong lady, Ive been following your story (Im a 16 year relationship SO...Yeh, I get you hun, I really do!) This would be my temptation, if I were you, and you genuinely could handle the risk he may come as well....
    Do you have access to your own ticket? If you do... Plan your own holiday. Check your kids ok without you around (and if your hubby not there either). Plan for the house being without you and hubby. Pack etc. Do NOT mention it to hubby at all. Just make your own arrangements, get to to the airport, fly, get to hotel etc and enjoy your holiday. He may turn up, he may not. But don't consider him at all in your thoughts/plans. this is your holiday that you have earnt.
     
    bms1985, Aug 9, 2019
    bms1985, Aug 9, 2019
    #2
  3. Aug 9, 2019 #3
    TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

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    I have been following your story and I have been touched by it. I'm so sorry.

    I agree with the empathy part of the previous post but not all of the advice. Make sure the kids are taken care of, yes, you would have done that anyways. However, just tell him what you plan to go. "This trip is paid for and I intend to go". Don't tell him he can't go, what he wants to do is his decision. Do tell him that if he is going you have a right to know so you can plan your boundaries accordingly.

    Peace to you,
    -Quinn
     
    TheMightyQuinn, Aug 9, 2019
    TheMightyQuinn, Aug 9, 2019
    #3
    EyesWideOpen and hope4healing like this.
  4. Aug 9, 2019 #4
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    My boys are older , they both drive we always stock the fridge , leave cash etc . They are good boys so no parties to worry about lol FaceTime is a lifesaver :)
    Boundaries: we would have to share a car service to airport, our seats on plane I can change so not together. There is a bedroom w a door and a big pullout sofa .
    There’s a huge pool and across the street is the beach . There’s a lot of places to be separated lol
    I think one awkward part would be sit down meals . But We can avoid that too . I wouldn’t hesitate to do excursions “ together “ because we can separate easily . He also may just say no he’s not going lol
    I’m doing better at detaching myself from him . I think another 6 weeks like this I could see me looking at him as my “ baby daddy “ and put my personal feelings aside . Thanks Mr.Q :)
     
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 9, 2019
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 9, 2019
    #4
  5. Aug 10, 2019 #5
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I asked this morning lol
    It’s a no for him . Closure on that . I actually have mixed feelings which is odd , or maybe not . Stupid little girl
     
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 10, 2019
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 10, 2019
    #5
  6. Aug 10, 2019 #6
    TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

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    Not stupid. I can understand mixed feelings. I divorced about 6 years ago. Although I wanted to end the relationship and I was done with the person, I still had to grieve what my therapist called "the dream of the marriage".

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
    TheMightyQuinn, Aug 10, 2019
    TheMightyQuinn, Aug 10, 2019
    #6
  7. Aug 10, 2019 #7
    TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

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    Have fun in Aruba!
     
    TheMightyQuinn, Aug 10, 2019
    TheMightyQuinn, Aug 10, 2019
    #7
  8. Aug 13, 2019 #8
    EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Can your sister go and pay him back his portion? You could have a great girls trip!
     
    EyesWideOpen, Aug 13, 2019
    EyesWideOpen, Aug 13, 2019
    #8
  9. Aug 13, 2019 #9
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    He told me to take whoever lol
    It’s so close to now , no one can get the time off . But I am trying to get my bro that came w me last year to come ;)
     
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 13, 2019
    Queenie%Bee, Aug 13, 2019
    #9

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