Aspergers and low selt esteem

I'm gonna be straightforward and will not sugar coat it. I hope I'm not hard or harsh though, that's not my intention.

I don't know much about Asperger's syndrome apart from the fact that somehow it's considered to be a mental issue, a neurobiological thing. They used to say the same about depression, described in the famously and outrageously stupid DSM-5 as a neurochemical imbalance, when in reality most depressions are adaptations to the environment. Many of the illnesses described in the DSM are there for statistical purposes, they basically consider grief as being severe depression! Imagine you lose something or someone important to you and they say "you're now officially mentally sick!"

One of the Asperger's symptoms is lack of interest in socialising, yet you're keen on having some luck with women. My honest and sincere recommendation for a brief period of time is to forget entirely about this illness, syndrome. I'm not saying it does not exist, if they say it exists... I don't know, maybe it does, but what I believe would help you is for a brief period of time to not think that it is the source of all of your emotional pains!

To me it looks like this diagnosis has take over your life completely, you feel inadequate because of it. But is it true or is it only a belief that you cannot find meaningful relationships because of this diagnosis? You're highly functioning, so you pay attention to your thoughts, but do you pay attention to your emotions?

 

You and I should be accountability partners or friends. I've been dealing with Asperger's Syndrome my whole life.

You have to accept that it's there, and while it has it's negatives, Aspergers can be harnessed like a superpower if you know what you're doing. It starts by entirely understanding it. My advice is to find other aspies in your community, and spend time with them. I guarantee you if you ask out a single woman your age with AS for coffee she'll most likely take you up on it. This is the best time to observe, very quietly how she behaves. if she behaves in a way that you find annoying, but you do it as well, that's what you need to work on. who knows, you might find your SO in another aspie girl.

Find your lifelong obsession and get involved in it, somehow. I'm not talking about video games, that's a waste of time. I'm talking about Cars, trains, keeping track of numbers. If you're obsessed with cars, buy beaters and learn how to fix them and work that into becoming a mechanic (This is my obsession, and for the past few months I've bought 2 separate beaters and learned how to fix things, Like a door handle, windshield wipers, and pretty soon, rear brake pads.) If you're into trains, consider applying to work for a railroad company. If are obsessed with numbers and math, maybe consider playing the stock market. If you are obsessed with something in particular, you will know everything there is to know about it, so run with it.

Also, stop using AS as a crutch. There are people out there more damaged than you are, who are still living life and not making excuses. So neither should you. Quit saying "I have Aspergers" as if it's the reason you're doing things incorrectly.

Another thing you'll have to change is your self-esteem, like immediately. When you were in high school, the kids who insulted you were, putting it bluntly, Morons. The fact you still believe they were right as an adult is foolish. You are not a weirdo. You are not a creep. You are a regular human being. And if a woman calls you a creep or an incel (Which only immature women do.) just smirk at her. That's more insulting than calling her a derogatory term in return. It shows her that she does NOT have power over you, and that will tick her off more than anything.

Besides, Incel is just a word low-self esteemed women use to insult socially-challenged men who are too smart to impregnate a fat chick.

So how can you truly make your self-esteem soar? It's the things that require facing your fears. Join a boxing club and sign up for a fight (I did that, believe me, the catharsis you get from driving your fist through your opponent's face is astronomical, but getting into a ring, and going the distance, knocking a man down, getting knocked down but getting back up to fight, that is a self-esteem boost like no other.) If you haven't gotten your driver's licence, get it. Buy a stick-shift car and learn how to drive stick (Only 1 in 10 people can drive stick) Start lifting weights and become a gym junkie. Start dressing like a white collar office worker, rather than wearing clothes that would look at home on a 12 year old boy. Put on cologne every time you go out.

And finally, smile when you see a girl you like. Your smile is the first thing she'll see. She'll remember the first time she saw you with that smile.

You can do it, my aspie brother.

 

That's effin true!

 

From someone with aspergers, over time you can learn enough so it is less noticible. You're not doomed for life, try reading books aboit social cues and stuff.

 

Absolutely. I like to call it the "Terminator" method. Remember from T2; Judgement day when John Connor is teaching the terminator how "not to be such a dork all the time?" You have to rethink everything you've learned, and learn like a T-800. Also remember when Sarah Connor is digging out the bullets from his back and he explains how he's equipped with a learning processor? He says "the more I interact with humans, the more I learn."

That's the way I feel with my aspies, I must learn by interacting with neurotypicals and trying to emulate them to become socially acceptable.

 

Exactly, it's only a set-back.