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Can I be forced to go to church?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by WhyNotStop, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. I've been religious all 19 years of my life along with my very loving family. I just graduated, have held a job for over 2 years, am going college in fall. I am still dependent on my family but they keep forcing church on me but I really just want a break from religion as I feel it has prevented me from really having fun all my life. This is part of the reason why I wanted to move 5+ hours from home for college, to be in full control of my life, to no longer depend on my family. There were some complications and I was unable to move away from home (at least till I get my associates). I do believe in God but honestly I just need a break to really find who I really am. I feel my real personality has been strictly filtered through religion and I'm sick of it. Do I have the right as an 19 year old dependent man to refuse to continue to go to church?
     
  2. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Yes, you are an adult and you can make your own choices. If it is the right one or the wrong one, that depends on you and the possible outcome.
     
    WhyNotStop likes this.
  3. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    IMO real spirituality can be talked about outside of formal religious settings, after all it's supposed to be relevant to life so if the people who thinks you should go to church are so into it they should be able to have a casual down to earth conversation with you. I would say people who really know doesn't even have to rely on religious language - and I mean ANY religion.

    Stupid question though: When you say forced do you mean they really drag you there, like there's big drama if you say you don't want to go today? Thing is in the situation where you're still at home, and they may hold that over your head it may take some careful thinking as to how to deal with it..
     
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  4. I think this “force” is very real. My wife does it to me and she’s not my mom.

    I resent it because we go to different churches. Your folks are not ready to let you go. And you still are “their kid” in their eyes.

    The best thing is to have a mature sit down and you just need to ask questions, that open them up. Accept that they want what is best for you. Ask them when they envision you making your own choices.

    If you are outside the US or if your parents have a foreign mentality this will be a reality probably until you get married as s girl and it can also be the same as a boy. Here in the us we are used to a lot of autonomy but that isn’t always something we get automatically—- we have to demonstrate we are ready for it. Kinda like a drivers license— you may be bold enough, but are you responsible enough?
     
    WhyNotStop likes this.
  5. That's very unusual. Did you doublecheck?
     
  6. Lol. Haha

    You never played house? The girls always call me “papi”....
     
  7. Doesnt always work
     
  8. Understood. I was raised in an environment where respect became a very important thing towards my parents, So it's quite hard to tell them to just let me be but I guess it has to be done.

    My father is the main one forcing church onto me. He forces me to wake up and doesn't stop until I get out the bed. Once out the bed if I refuse (verbally) to go to church he get all upset at himself and makes me feel bad this way (as I know he has a pretty depression filled past). So it's more of a emotional manipulation instead of dragging me out the door. The reason it's like this is because before the end of school I had the choice to deny going due to the excuse of having homework, I no longer have that option.

    I get it. I've actually been told something close to this by my music teacher (who has a master's in psychology) he told me in order to show my parents I'm ready to live far away from home I must show more maturity. Which I am working on. My family is from a Hispanic background who believe that the child must do what his/her parents say as parents know what's best. I don't know if this is due to the way I was raised or to PMO addiction but I have grown a serious sense of insecurity in life as if I don't seem to trust my own decisions.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  9. You 100% should seperate from the church at least temporarily and find yourself and make a rational decision on how to proceed.

    I've been (am) in your shoes too. I also believe in "God", not sure if it's in the same fashion as you. I dont think "God" cares, frankly, wether you go to church or not. You need ti find your own path.

    Also im lowkey mad at the churches operations (not my specific congregation, im talking grand scheme like in rome and shit), at least for the time being i dont want anything to do w it. Does this seperate me from "God"? Absolutely not.

    I think you should do what you want. My mom is super religious and i do go to church when im back home for her. I think people have blown religion WAY out of proportion. And we need to redefine religion. Also improtant to note, i dont believe in the bible in a literal fashion & i dont like what the head church teacges and preaches.
     
  10. *entering heaven's gates*

    Me: Hello

    God: i see here on may 17, 2005 you skipped church and you didnt ask a preist to forgive you. i cant let you in, sorry about that.
     
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  11. One more thing ill say and im outta this thread permanently. I was born catholic so i cant speak on other institutions. But you know, just like any organization, they're doing their best. I'm not really mad at any religions, you know what I'm saying?

    People 100% believe everything in their religions and i think that's beautiful, the faith. What i dont think is so beautiful is discrediting others beliefs based on that & not even considering other religions.

    But, i mean, that's the way it is & nothing is gonna change that. I just cant operate in that fashion at all. It reminds me of when everybidy used to think the earth is flat or the stars are an illusion. I swear everybody should have a mandatory lsd or shrooms trip in their life, my god
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  12. I agree. But a 19 year does not magically command respect because his age has ticked upwards.

    That’s earned. He probably cannot realistically earn much respect while not earning a living which is not being asked here but the parents obviously are using it as leverage. But for sure he cannot force them to respect him as you suggest without some lasting consequences.

    It is granted as requested.

    His parents want the best for him even after he’s no longer a child.

    He needs to know how to appeal to the freedom that the church espouses without using emotional mind games.

    There are such things as immature parents for sure , my mom is one. These don’t give until broken. Wisdom is knowing you CAN do something because of liberty but restrain because it’s not prudent to exercise what will be misinterpreted as disrespect.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
    Awedouble likes this.
  13. I’m also from a Latino background, we have strong family values , sometimes this is replaced or substituted for Gods rules. But I have learned that active forgiving even when young —- works powerfully. Parents have a tough Road in letting go;

    Remember the fable about the sun and wind ? Trying to make the man lose his coat ?

    Force is heartless (in so many ways) it should not be exercised except in no other option.

    Keep posting man!!
     
  14. Of course nobody can force you to go to church. You can make your own decisions. However, I wouldn't advise moving further away from God in an effort to "find yourself." God created you, and He knows you better than you know yourself. If you really want to know who you are, He is exactly the One you should be seeking to find that. Maybe you just need to find a different church, or stop going to church with your family if they feel stifling or something.

    One of the first Spiritual breakthroughs of my life was the time in which seeking God became something I did by my own choice, rather than because my parents took me to church and it was just what I was expected to do. I agree that you probably need to find your own relationship with God, and make your faith your own, but don't abandon going to church and seeking the Lord because it doesn't seem "fun." A lot of those seemingly "fun" things God doesn't want you to do, He is keeping from you for your own protection. Of course you can choose whatever you want, and you can choose to reject that protection, because He gave you the free will to do that. But I would highly advise against it.
     
  15. You can't ever be forced to do anything.

    If you feel that you need to take a break from the church, then that's fine. It's your decision. Please don't let someone else, even your parents, dictate what your views are or make decisions for you. They don't have to agree with it, but what they do have to do is respect your decision.

    Don't let them manipulate you with emotions. If they're doing this, then they're not being fair to you. This is where the respecting your decision part comes in.

    Make your choice for yourself, and don't let other people do it for you. Live your life, not someone else's!
     
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  16. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    Sounds like you should go to church until you can move out. Sure you're an adult but it sounds like your life will become even more stressful if you refuse to go. In all honesty, living with your Dad sounds like a nightmare.

    Actually you can. We're forced to pay taxes, we're forced to do things to make a living. We're forced to We're forced to get an education. We're forced to obey the law.

    Foreign mentality? WTF
     
  17. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    May I ask what denomination your family is?
     
    Mr. McMarty likes this.
  18. No, we're not forced to do those things. We choose to do those things because there are consequences if we don't, but that doesn't mean that anyone is forcing us to do those things. :rolleyes:
     
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  19. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    The consequences force us to do them. Or are you saying people want to pay tax?
     
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  20. I'm not necessarily saying that people want to pay taxes, but they do want to avoid the consequences of not paying them. That is a decision that they're making, is it not?
     
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