table manners

I'm often alone but I do try to be social. I go alone to places like the cafe where there is the potential to meet people but even if I don't I can use the Internet at least in a social environment.

There, I often encounter three common situations each characterised by request from a fellow patron. When I'm asked these questions I cringe, but I know I'm supposed to respond "oh hell yeah".

A) I'm sitting in a cafe, enjoying my dopamine splurge on caffeine and Nofap banter, when a stranger approaches me and asks if I will save the empty seat and table next to me while they quew to make their purchase.

My reply is "no". ((while you are away, if another customer sits there, you want me to tell them "the table is reserved for another stranger, and although you look like an interesting person, I unfortunately have already promised to another total stranger that I will keep this table free for them until their return and I'm a man of my word."))

B) I'm sitting in a cafe, enjoying my dopamine splurge on caffeine and Nofap banter, when the person next to me asks "hey, could you look after my brand new applemac and all my personal belongings while I use the bathroom?"

My reply is "No". ((while you are away, you are appropriately scared someone will attempt to steal your valuables, but for some reason you totally trust me with it? You also want me confront the thief! What! How?...Why?

C) I'm sitting alone in a cafe at a table for two, and a fellow patron approaches me and asks, "excuse me, can I take this chair (the empty chair at my table))?

My reply is : "I suppose so" (( "I'm here alone, I've not arranged to meet someone here and it's unlikely anyone is going to sit there and just start chatting to me and whilst I understand there is a dearth of available chairs in this establishment, if it remains there unused it's possible, just possible, someone may feel inclined to join me, but you want to take it ..... to over there?"

 

Hmmm...you present interesting public relation questions. I personally would say "yes" to all of them unless I was at an airport or case by case judgements altered the decision. I certainly would favor some strangers over other strangers as a general rule.

For instance, if a person pushing a stroller and juggling a baby wanted me to hold a seat in a busy cafe while they got some cup of coffee I'd say sure. I'd have no problem defending that seat against a new request from a single teenager looking to grab a spot to edit his latest Minecraft YouTube video. My rational is the person with two kids needs the help the other guy can fend for himself. In the reverse case I would release the seat to a new request from an old person or a person needing the "help" if the first person seemed more capable. They'd come back and I'd say "sorry, this person needed it more". I guess I'm willing to wield that authority and power. Jeez I feel like a coffee shop Thanos creating balance in the universe. Soon I will reorder all the seats in the shop! No one will stop me!!!! Ahahahahhhhhahhaaaaaahhahahajaaaahh

 

Exactly! Ahahhah

 

Okay thanks I have another one for your consideration but it's not at a table...

You are entering/exiting a venue via the door and at the same time another patron comes the other way. With Courteous intentions they hold the door open for you but they do so while themselves standing in the actual doorway and holding the door open with an outstretched arm, suggesting you walk underneath their arm, but they are not necessarily taller than you. I can't and I won't and I refuse.

 

That one might require a snap of your fingers while wearing the infinity gauntlet.

All joking aside I would suggest a flamboyant limbo demonstration under their arm as you slide outside.

 

Ahaha Thank you, I choose option one, please