Loneliness - The Way Out

I've lurked on this and other nofap boards for quite a while. I have some opinions on various issues that I'll express in coming posts, but this one seems to be the most pressing. This particular cesspit seems to have a lot of people complaining about how terrible their crippling loneliness is, but precious little in the way of solid advice (or indeed any advice) on how to solve that problem. I'm hoping to address that with this particular post. Yes, it's going to be long. Go and make some coffee or something, then come back and read it. After all, will reading this be a bigger waste of time than posting "loneliness is so hard, bro" for the 580th time?

Let me say the following at the outset. Some of you won't like what I have to say here, and that's okay. Some of you will want to flame me for it, but that won't change your situation one bit. Don't believe anything that I say here, and at the same time, don't doubt it either. What should you do? Experiment with it. Try it out, keep the bits that work and disregard the bits that don't. But don't judge it until you've actually tried it. I believe the majority of what I write here will work for the majority of people. The only way to find out whether it will work for you is to try it, so that's what I invite you to do.

Let's begin. Here are the steps to get out of loneliness. Even if they don't get you laid, they're sure to make your life a lot better.

1. End the pity party. So if you're like the majority of people on this forum, you're probably around 23 years old, and wondering whether you'll ever get a girlfriend or lose your virginity, right? Dude, you're 23! What the fuck are you worried about this shit for? That kind of talk comes when you're 53. Right now you're young, probably relatively healthy, and free. Go and do some shit. One day you'll be 43, married with children and lamenting that you have no free time. One day you'll be 63 with a body that's starting to fall apart, lamenting that you're no longer able to do the things you once could. Stop feeling sorry for yourself... which leads to my next point.

2. Make your time valuable, you loser. Have some interests, hobbies, pursuits, and goals. Honestly, if you have time to post here day in and day out, you really have no excuses at all. Learn a musical instrument or another language, travel, take a course of study to enhance your career or learn something interesting. Go and spend some time in nature. No woman is interested in a man with no goals or passions in life, unless they just want a guy to kiss their ass all day - and those are not exactly the most fulfilling relationships out there. This of course, leads into the next point.

3. Get your health in order. Not only will your appearance look better, it will improve your moods, sense of well being, confidence, ease body pain, injuries, and help you enjoy life a lot more. This also includes your mental health. If you feel as though you suffer from depression, aspergers or some other mental issue, seek professional help for that immediately. Be sure to get enough sleep, and work you your appearance (including your hair, nails, skin etc). Women don't fantasise about dating a walrus with moon craters on his face, anymore than you fantasise about that 475 pound landwhale you saw at McDonalds. Chill on the drugs, weed, alcohol and so on. They aren't helping you.

4. Get off loser dominated forums and communities (including this one). It's the old saying, you become the five people you spend the most time with. That also applies to your online life. If you spend your time hanging around incels, misogynists, forever alone types, MGTOWs, haters, conspiracy theorists, bigots and the like, you'll just become more like them. This includes weirdos who spend their lives on cringe-type media getting outraged over harmless content. There's a reason these guys spend 18 hours a day online rather than getting laid. Chill on the political bullshit. I'll give you a clue - you NEVER win an argument with a woman. Ever. Besides, if you only mix with people who follow your own dogma, you'll not only reduce the number of dating possibilities dramatically, you'll also limit what you can learn about life. In fact, while we're on this subject:

5. Get off the Internet. Especially dating sites/apps. Honestly, you're wasting your time with these (and your time is valuable, remember, from point 2). The majority of women use Internet dating for ego boosts, entertainment and sugar daddy shopping - and that's only the ones who actually use it (it's estimated that around 80% of the "female" profiles on Internet dating sites are completely fake). If you can't get off the Internet, dating sites you actually pay for are probably a better investment, but really, a far better option than any of that is the next point...

6. Get off your phone and talk to the chick next to you. Yeah, okay, she probably doesn't look like your favourite porn star, but at least she's there, she's a real person with real feelings and emotions who can engage in a real conversation. The truth is, talking to her is probably easier than chasing fake profiles on Tinder or wherever. It also gives you the chance to learn about human interaction, something you'll need to know about if you ever intend to actually meet your Tinder match. Actually, since I mentioned your favourite porn star...

7. Chill on the porn. And that includes not being so obsessed with abstinence from it, as well as finding better things to do than watch porn. Look, you may have a 935 day streak or whatever, but in the meantime, the guy who watches porn probably got laid 50 times more than you did, simply because he didn't spend that time posting on loser dominated forums boasting about his "streak". It's fair to say I've probably watched porn for longer (and therefore seen more porn) than most of you guys, but I have NEVER suffered from PIED. Why? Because I did other things too. The main goal of recovery from porn addiction is to rebuild your life so that you're doing something interesting with it. It's not to spend all day online boosting your own ego by boasting about your streak. Now don't get me wrong here, I wholeheartedly believe that quitting porn is a notable goal and something we should all aim for. But don't obsess about it. If you've gone from watching porn for 20 hours a week to 20 minutes a week, you've done OK.

8. Be clear with your intentions. Practice sexual responsibility. This does not necessarily mean abstinence, unless your plan is to wait until marriage, only to discover that sex with her is less interesting than watching paint dry. Honestly, there is so much shaming about people's sexual habits or intentions in our society and false religions that it's actually quite pathetic. The thing is this: Women all want different things. Some women want to marry you, some women just want to have sex with you, some women want something in between (like dating and seeing how things go). You should be clear about what YOU want from the outset. Otherwise, you risk being trapped in a sexless marriage with a chick who won't put out, simply because you were afraid to tell her that you only wanted a one night stand. This brings me to the next point.

9. Don't read the bullshit lists of what women want on their profiles. If ever there was a reason to get off Internet dating for good, it's this one. How many times have you seen a woman say she wants to date a 6'5 actor, before settling for a 5'1 garden gnome with erection problems? Hint: It happens more often than loser dominated Internet forums would have you believe. The same thing goes for whether a woman wants sex, marriage, dating or whatever. They may say one thing on a profile that they wrote while their best friend was reading over their shoulder, but when they meet a guy they really like who has interesting coversation, and interesting life and so on, they change their mind. Are you that guy? There's really only one way to find out.

10. Be clear with your intentions. Stop looking in the wrong places. If you're a Christian guy who is looking for a long term relationship with a stable woman and ultimately starting a family, what the hell are you doing looking on Tinder or in college bars? Again, this comes back to point 2 (which is really, really important). Have some goals for your life, then make those your priority. As I said before, women want different things, and you're unlikely to find your future wife in a hookup bar. If you want a nice conservative, Christian woman to marry, try talking to someone in church next Sunday.

11. Don't take your anger out on women. Rejection is part of the game you wuss. This is why I included MGTOWs among the list of losers above. Here's a simple fact: No man out there is going to attract the attention of EVERY woman they approach. If you like a girl and she rejects you in some way, just calmly move on. Don't bother replaying revenge fantasies in your mind, don't bother coming home and spouting bile on some Internet forum about how bad women are because some chick hurt your feelings. Hurt, loss and sadness are all part of LIFE. Going through them will help you appreciate it more when you eventually do meet someone you click with. This flows nicely to my next point.

12. Don't character assassinate. Don't judge other people by what they wear, by the hobbies they have or whatever. Granted, there are exceptions to this for things that are actual deal breakers in relationships, but the reality is that you have no idea what's going on in someone else's life. Just because a girl is an instagram model doesn't necessarily mean she's a ****. Just because a chick is a nerd doesn't mean she's demure and conservative. Never judge other relationships. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors. I'll guarantee that whatever they talk about is leaving out 90% of it.

13. At the same time, maintain healthy boundaries. Again, this comes back to being clear on what you want. If an individual woman has habits or behaviours you don't like, be prepared to walk away. If you are a conservative Christian guy, you're not required to stay with a chick who still goes to nightclubs every weekend. That also works in reverse BTW. Just don't take it out on every other woman you might meet in the future.

14. Don't ask for her social media, just get her number. Okay, this is a mistake I've made in the past a lot. The fact is, unless your plan is to stalk her like some creepy loser, you're far better off just getting her number to contact her directly. Otherwise you just become like all the other orbiters following her around on social media. If she won't give you her number, she just isn't that into you. When that happens, just move on. Besides, do you really want her to follow your facebook feed and read that political rant you wrote last year when you were upset and in a bad place? I have actually lost women this way.

15. Get off your fucking phone (again). If she's constantly texting you, just reply with something like "when is a good time to call you?", then you can have a proper conversation with her. Better yet, ask her when is a good time to get together. This way you're showing that you value her time, and giving her the opportunity to communicate her level of interest. Again, if she says 'no', move on, she isn't that into you. Remember, the goal of dating is ultimately to somehow deepen your relationship with her, not to be her entertainment. Don't be afraid to tell her to put her phone away at the dinner table.

16. Text back promptly if you can, but don't text too much. Don't do that bullshit of "make her wait three days to get back to her" or whatever. That's a great way to be completely forgotten among the horde of men who text her back right away. At the same time, don't sit by your phone like a loser waiting for a text from her. If you're busy, you're busy. Keep the texts short and to the point. Something like, "thanks for last night, what are you doing next Saturday?"

17. Be careful who you take advice from. Don't take advice from losers, from women who don't understand men, from that guy who gets abused by girls or from that person who has a completely different personality and lifestyle than you. There's a reason I didn't try to include any "pick up lines" here - it's because what might work for me won't work for you, and vice versa. I'm not even asking you to believe anything I say - try it out and see what works. Most importantly, don't get discouraged if you try something that doesn't work. It just wasn't the right advice for you. Try something else next time.

Tl;dr version. Just fucking read it. What else are you gonna do? complain about how lonely you are for the 50th time this week?

 

You are quite right. Indeed, a lot of the points I included (particularly the first five) will improve someone's life whether or not they meet a woman.

The reason for the emphasis on meeting women in my post is simply because that is the audience in the Loneliness subforum. The line about deserving a sweet girl is spot on. My post was intended to help give some of these guys guidance about how to become the man who deserves such a girl.

As for the people who fall for beauty, well, that's their choice. We are all looking for different things. I, for one, can't stand the taste of coffee and don't know how some people can drink it everyday, yet lots of people are looking for it. The same thing with those guys who want to meet a woman who looks amazing. Each to their own. If you personally are more interested in an average woman with a pure soul then good for you. I hope you find her.