1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Straight guy / gay porn

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by jetskisetter, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. jetskisetter

    jetskisetter Fapstronaut

    93
    134
    33
    Glad to meet someone who can relate! I think it’s more common than it seems, but people don’t often talk about it.

    If I can ask..have you had relationships with women? I’ve never done anything with a woman—or a man for that matter—so my whole understanding of my sexuality has been shaped by so many years of porn.
     
  2. frankpyle

    frankpyle Fapstronaut

    120
    164
    43
    wow! You could be me. This is exactly my experience. 90 days sober now with only one reset. Feeling totally free from SSA temptations. There are some lingering artifacts, but no real fantasy or attraction. Thanks for sharing your story.
     
  3. Marcelo48

    Marcelo48 Fapstronaut

    85
    124
    33
    We should talk better by PM, I would love to. Feel free to leave me a message.
     
  4. jetskisetter

    jetskisetter Fapstronaut

    93
    134
    33
    So interesting/encouraging how these things change!! thanks for posting
     
  5. Oh gosh, I can relate back to this. I was sexually abused by a male relative and the relative, in particular, liked to watch gay porn and he would always make me watch it with him and it got me hooked. I would always feel disgusted afterward since I knew that I wasn't that way, but seeing men doing it and seeing them O always made me come back. However, I find myself attracted to girls since I can make friendships with them easier and I'm more emotionally attached and closer to females. And I've seen female P before, but I hope that with this NoFap challenge, I can stay away from PMO for good and be able to reclaim my own identity.
     
    EL88 and Deleted Account like this.
  6. Calvin McMahon

    Calvin McMahon New Fapstronaut

    1
    3
    3
    Dude were on the same page!! I know I like girls when I was young until I was sexually abused by my male cousin when I was around 10 and somehow when I was in High School my porn prefence went to Straight to GayP then back to Str8P then GayP it’s Fckn wierd. I know to myself I’m not gay and still emotional attracted to female and I don’t consider having relationship with a man.
     
  7. jetskisetter

    jetskisetter Fapstronaut

    93
    134
    33
    Thank you for sharing your story..yes, it's all about reclaiming your identity. It's hard to know who we are when we let ourselves exist in the fantasy world of porn.
     
  8. It is weird. The male relative would show me craigslist ads about men wanting men and put me under the spell to where I would read male erotica, watch P of men doing it, and it would make me fantasize about being with men and being able to MO with them even when I was in love with girls. I know I'm not bisexual since after the abuse was over, I noticed a sharp decline in this behavior and I'm now on this PMO journey to kick the last of it that's still lingering and to reclaim myself. I want to be able to love a girl and to love women without having this baggage with me. I want to be a new person and I am glad that we are on the same page! I have never considered having a relationship with a man since the sexual abuse has made me terrified of being alone in a room with a male now, but I have been able to get over this fear little by little.

    No, thank you for sharing your story since, without it, none of us would have been able to share ours online. I believe that I can reclaim my identity and that the fantasy of P will no longer hold me back from the life and dreams I always wanted.
     
  9. mondhamray

    mondhamray Fapstronaut

    40
    74
    18
    I've been reading a lot of posts like this since I joined a couple days ago and it's got me pretty confused honestly because I had pretty much accepted that I struggle with SSA for various reasons, one being porn, but other reasons still. For me it's not just porn but walking on the street, at the gym, in the locker room, I am physically attracted to men, though I don't think I would ever act on it and have no emotional desire to be with a man. I know for me a lot of it stems from having a distant father who I simultaneously feared and craved acceptance from, being bullied by stronger boys when I was young, my neighbor shaming me by saying I had a small dick in front of all the other neighborhood boys before I ever started puberty, people calling me a fag and gay before I ever had sexual feelings, and never feeling masculine enough, craving male friendships. I idolized masculinity and male bonding, and in doing so worshipped penises and the male form. It's only in the last few days that I've started to wonder if this could be undone. My first few years of watching P was exclusively hetero, but I'm just not sure if it can be undone at this point.
     
  10. Wild

    Wild Fapstronaut

    25
    87
    13
    A lot of people see sexuality as a black and white thing, but I think this thread is great about seeing the grey areas. It's not necessarily that you are gay or straight. Our sexuality can be effected (and is effected) by abuse, porn, environmental influences, etc. So dont be quick to slap a label on yourself or believe the labels others may try to put on you. Your sexuality is your own. When we stop letting PMO control us we can get a clearer picture of our sexuality. And we can choose to take hold of it and make it what we want it to be. Rule over your sexuality, don't let it rule over you.

    I struggle with a similar attraction to men as a lot of you. I believe it grew out of a desire for acceptance from other guys and a lack of self confidence in my masculinity. I had a couple sexual encounters with other guys, but I knew it was just a physical attraction and it wasn't what I wanted in a relationship. I didnt have many guy friends because of my insecurities. Eventually I found who I wanted to spend my life with and it was a woman who happened to be my best friend. I was afraid I was gay and wasn't going to be aroused by women, but it wasn't true and I love having sex with my wife. And who knows maybe I am bi, but I dont see the point in labeling sexuality because it doesn't define who I am. I am the only one who gets to decide that, and I choose to take ownership of my unique masculinity rather than compare myself to other people.
     
  11. frankpyle

    frankpyle Fapstronaut

    120
    164
    43
    ❤️❤️this is one of the most accurate encouraging declarations I’ve seen. I’m going to copy paste it and recite it as my new mantra.
     
    Wild likes this.

  12. Hey guys, this is very similar to my experience w Ssa. It has a lot to do with lack of confidence and measuring yourself negatively against other guys. That’s why I’ve found that self improvement (especially your body) & open safe make bonding relationships where you can give and receive constructive criticism and just be raw w each other really seems to help.
     
  13. Looking at gay porn or even acting out sexually with men doesn’t make one gay (not that there’s anything wrong with being gay). However, for those not identifying as gay, they feel real shame in the behavior and concern about their sexuality. Sexuality occurs across a spectrum and can be fluid. I now worry less about gender and more about is what I’m doing consistent with my values or not.
     
    mondhamray, Wild and Deleted Account like this.
  14. PaulD2000

    PaulD2000 Fapstronaut

    54
    37
    18
    I am married with a young family and find my attraction to gay porn and other men such a curse. If there was anything I could rid from my life it wold be that.
    I remember seeing my friend showing me his older brothers porn mag when I was around 10. It was a 4-5 page barn / farm / hay set up. I can't remember what the women looked like but I still have a clear visual of the guy and his dick. I had never seen anything like that before and didn't even have any idea that a dick could get that big, I was fascinated by it.
    I am now 40 and since that first porn mag I've had on and off periods of being attracted to men. I suppose I always, somewhere very far and deep down, questioned my sexuality. I had encounters with my college room mate and guys in toilets and changing rooms over the years. I then got into watching gay porn a few years into my marriage an more recently I stop at rest stops / lay-bys so that other men can jerk and suck me. These places are full of other 'straight' men and its this that attracts me. I'd say 80% of the guys I meet at these places are married and I think deep down most or all guys would play with another guy in the right mind set and time. In more recent years I have sucked other men and I now get pleasure from doing that but only if they were very well hung. I would never have considered doing something that that years ago and I remember thinking in the early days, what are these guys getting out of sucking me and getting nothing in return, how are they getting pleasure from that, but now the tables have turned. I am not attracted to gay men and could never have a gay lifestyle or relationship, it feels very wrong to me. I don't mean I am opposed to gay people at all but for me it would feel wrong.
    The porn I would watch would all have the 'straight guys' element such as a hidden video of guys in the gym shower sneakily checking each other out and then getting hard in front of each other and maybe more. I couldn't have brought myself to watch male penetrative sex in the earlier years but now I'd have no issue watching that.

    I am just ranting here and getting this all off my chest and have now lost my way a bit. What I am saying is I really wish I didn't have this affliction but it seems like a lot of me do. I want my family to be proud of me and if my kids ever found out in years to come I couldn't bear it. The secrets seem to bear more heavily on me now as the years go on.
     
    SKU_15, EL88, Theamos and 2 others like this.
  15. jetskisetter

    jetskisetter Fapstronaut

    93
    134
    33
    Hey man thanks for sharing this. I think your story is a good reminder that when we indulge in these urges that we don't want to be having, they just grow and grow. I've heard several guys' stories related to this issue at this point, and it seems the underlying truth is that we have the power to resist. And if we do resist, it will diminish. Our addictions only have as much power over us as we give to them. Shame fuels addiction! I want to encourage all of us to keep telling our stories--shame fizzles out when it's exposed. Resisting is SO HARD because part of us has learned to love the dark things that bring us pleasure and excitement. But how much more is our pleasure when we live the life we WANT to live? How much more exciting is it to imagine ourselves living in FREEDOM, in control of our lives, and living in accordance with our values??
     
  16. jetskisetter

    jetskisetter Fapstronaut

    93
    134
    33
    I feel like so much of recovery is telling yourself the same thing over and over and over until it finally sticks. Well, here's something I keep telling myself and want to really internalize and believe: my sexual attraction to other guys is really personal feelings of inferiority and a desire for male friendships taken to the extreme, blown way out proportion to the point of sexualization. Last night, I started have sexual thoughts because of some guy on TV. Something in me stopped, and I asked myself "do I REALLY want to have sex with this person?" The answer was no. I wanted to look like him. I wanted to exude his confidence. I wanted other people to look at me and want to have sex with me. This all may sound crazy..but I really believe that these feelings come from a place of early on telling myself "you are not masculine, you will not be like other men," and consequently making that true for myself. And then, I wanted so desperately to be masculine, to feel like other men, I wanted it so badly that those feelings manifested sexually! The healthy, normal desire to embrace masculinity got all mixed up with sex. And years and years and years of watching porn and focusing on guys just reinforced that connection. Well, I want to un-jumble those things. I want to separate my view of myself as a man, my normal, healthy desire for positive relationships with other men, and my sexuality. These three things are separate!
     
  17. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    I could have written this!! You hit the nail on the head for me and what I have been thinking and feeling for years.
     
  18. ^^^ this so much! I can connect to this in so many ways as a result of my abuse and years of confusion. Now that I've been two weeks without PMO, I can see more clearly on this and understand how my PMO problem has messed with my head and with this question for so many years.
     
  19. razer54

    razer54 Fapstronaut

    7
    7
    3
    I have had an almost identical situation to yours. I did not how ever have any sexual experiences at all. I always have been attracted to females. My friend showed me gay porn when I was 13 almost 14. It wasn't hardcore or anything but I won't get into the details. I was horrified at first but was just so curious because I never really knew what porn was or how sex worked I figured that out on my own.
    I would never say I watched a ton of it maybe once or twice every week and my arousal was very particular. I only had one uh i guess "genre" that would turn me on. Over time it escalated to other things which I can't explain why I watched and am horrified that I even thought of them now that I look back. (Note* I was still aroused by straight porn). I started to have panic attacks starting back in November about why I was aroused by it. I never really knew what I was watching until November (It's weird to explain). I started to wonder if I was gay. However, every time I would wonder, my anxiety and depression just skyrocketed instantly. I had to miss days off school because I couldn't function because of it.
    I figured out I wasn't gay because I had no attraction to men in real life, had no desire to have relations, and have absolutely no romantic attractions and didn't want a guy closer than a friend to me. I would get panic attacks or get physically sick if I thought of a guy touching me. I would also never fantasize about men, only women. I always felt better when I thought about a woman. Long story short, I quit porn all together in late January and I have had no desire to watch any of it again. I'm not sure why I was drawn to it but I believe it might have been because it was unknown, different, etc. I also have low self esteem about my appearance which had something to do with it to. Even if you are aroused by gay porn, it doesnt make you gay, or even bisexual. I experienced horror and extreme anger when I went on these forums looking for help and trying to figure out why and I would get told I'm probably Bi. But I know I'm not. My experience was more out of curiosity, low self esteem and on. It was more because I envied their bodies, not their life style. I would advise for you to quit watching it and see what happens. Porn doesn't determine your sexuality even if people tell you it does.
     
    aspiringwriter1997 likes this.

Share This Page