2 months without P - transwomen

Hello brothers,

I'm here to share my experience as it is. I know a lot of people come here to see wonderful stories and endless lists of benefits experienced from NoFap. I have some, but not only.

I feel it is important to share with you because I've noticed there are few stories of long-term recoveries from transwoman porn, and a whole lot of people struggling with this and doubts with their sexuality...

So to give some background quickly... I've been hooked on porn since I was 13. Always been straight as an arrow, fantasising about nearly every girl and woman I saw, have had great relationships with them, sexually and romantically, until depression and HOCD hit me.

I've been trying to stop porn for 3 years now, and always relapsed. The first time I started to quit, I wasn't into transwoman porn. It came after, and got me turning half-crazy...

I've decided to go seek help in therapy, about 5-6 months ago and to keep trying to stop porn. I haven't seen any for 64 days.

What I can tell for now :

- A whole lot less anxiety, though it can hit me from time to time.
- Feeling a whole lot better in society.
- Have been in a new relationship with a girl for 1 month and experience a healthy sex life. She knows everything about my issues and helps me through it.
- HOCD slowly fades away.
- Girls are more attracted to me.
- Urges for porn are nearly gone, but still have urges for fantasies and MO. I choose to allow myself M, because I really want to quit porn this time, I don't consider M as a problem in itself.

Now, what I want to share is that it is not easy at all, even 2 months after quitting. It is not linear. Some days I still feel depressed, anxious but it goes away faster. I still dream about hardcore porn scenes at night and still have fantasies that bother me. Less though.

But this time, I won't escape in porn, or escorts, or massage parlors. I don't want to anymore. I will continue staying away from this and continue my therapy until I love myself again. This time, I keep in mind that even if it is not perfect, deep healing takes a lot of time, a lot of honesty with oneself, a lot of suffering to.

I will make a longer post when I'll feel really FREE from all of this.

But I already feel a lot better, I am no longer isolated in my room everyday, I feel a lot more confident, I feel a lot less shame and guilt and I know it will keep getting better and better if I do my work and be kind to myself.

Stay strong fellas !

 

Thanks SirErnest.

Merci mon voisin suisse !

 

Strong urges, guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, fatigue...

Just go through, light is on the other side.

My psychiatrist helps me a lot by talking about my fantasies only as symptoms and attempts for recovery.