Considering taking a hooker

Hello all.
So now i am almost every evening feel depressed. Obviously it caused by abstaining from hookers for almost 9 months. Also currently i have health issue with kidney stone and taking some meds. One of medicine drugs have possible side effect which can block ejaculation, but thankfully in my case i don't have it. All is working pretty fine down there.
But about abstaining from hookers, i feel like alien because of such a long time interval. Even 8 months is too much. My confidence, which i had in some degree, just gone. I can't approach anyone and my attention is close to 0. At work, as i feel, i became ineffective too. At least, compared to how i performed 8 months ago. So everything just goes down and if i will not take a hooker, it will go that way farther.
Please share your opinion on that situation.

 

In theory i can approach, i did that several years ago, but any woman will sense that i didn't get laid for almost 9 months, so the best case scenario i will end up in friendzone or worst case is she will not talk with me at all.

 

Yes, i had a relationship, but it was kinda awkward.
It was november 2014. I called some number and take a hooker. When she came, i felt attraction to her just from looking at her face. Then during foreplay i did a bit of massage and she said that my hands must touch a woman's body. She was obviously aroused from massage. I asked her then to teach me dating with girls outside of hooker scene and she agreed to help. Obviously we had sex, but i was a customer. She showed me humor video on her smartphone, we talk some time and she stayed with me a bit more time than i had paid. Actually she got several calls to leave hotel room. On next day i called her and from that time we start talk on the phone almost every day.
Month later we meetup again in the same hotel. She ordered coffee. We drink coffee and after that on my lips had left foam from coffee. She didn't allow me to wipe it off and licked my lips. Obviously that foreplay gradually progressed to hot sex. On that meetup she decide that i need change my style and buy another clothes. So, the next evening we spent shopping together in the mall. But in the end she hurt me. She called her guy who was working as taxi driver to take me back home because it was late and i can't get the bus. She take this ride together with us and flirted all the way. It's no surprise if they had sex later, but i don't know.
We still talk on the phone. Next time we meetup before new year holidays and i bought her perfume she asked. Yes, doesn't look like normal gift from a man to a woman but that was that. In the end of meetup she said we should go see movie on new year holidays.
On new years she go travel to one of neighboring countries for about a week, so we didn't talk at that time. After about a week i try to call her once a day for several days and finally she replied and told me to stop sending these stupid sms. Yes i was sending her some sms where i wrote how much i like her. Then some days later during a talk she told me to find another girl. The girl who was working with her suggested nightclub in city where we were meeting up. So on saturday i was on my way to nightclub. She called me when i was in the bus and told that she really sorry for dumping me. In the nightclub i didn't date with any girl. So, week later we meetup on rented flat and had sex. As i remember, she said that it will help to date other girls. Originally we planned to go with girl who works with her, so that way i didn't perceive her as my gf. But her girl was busy so we went without her. We went to some bar first to have dinner and drink beer and then we go to nightclub.
In nightclub she dated with two girls and we was drinking together. She told them that she is my sister. There was some talking and she got a bit drunk. She said that all men the same and want only one thing, to get laid. After all i had with her these words hurt me so much and she noticed that. She kissed me and said that she likes me so much or loves me so much. I don't remember exactly but obviously these girls understood that she is not sister to me. There was some dating game with them then she told me to approach other girls and offer them drinks but my confidence was total zero. My fitness at that time was at almost zero level too. So, she got angry on me and left the place. I left a bit later. She drank beer with her friend that night later. In the morning i called her and she yelled at me for not approaching any girls. Then we start to meetup again, on average once every two weeks. From time to time i was visiting nightclub and approached some girls on my own, but they didn't want to date with me. On Valentine's day we exchanged gift cards and go to cinema.
All that time it looked like she likes me but i still was her customer.
On 7th march i got my first seizure from kidney stone and was hospitalized. I called her and she was shocked from the news. On next day she got sick too. She got some trouble with ovaries but didn't told exactly what it was. Some weeks or month later when she became healthy she said that doctors cleaned her up and she is ok. I had spent about a month in three different hospitals in one town and two different cities. Stone was broken down to two smaller parts and i got installation of stent for easy way of getting rid of them. I came back home in the end of March or beginning of April. But because of stent i can't walk a lot. So during that time we meet up only several times. One time for shopping and on another one we came to her flat and was watching movie and eating pizza. We didn't have the sex and i didn't have the urge. She asked to show her where is the stent and i just said that it is inside and i can't show her anyway. To be honest i didn't want to show her my naked body at all, it was like a particular loss of sexual attraction to her and i think she felt it. Some guy constantly tried to reach her on the phone and she finally replied. He was upset for not getting laid with her. After that meetup she began to spent time with some of her ex-bf.

In May spent some days in hospital to get rid of stent. Day later i called her. I don't remember exactly but somehow i mentioned hookers topic and she take it personal. She told to
me to find another girl and never call her again. As i remember, week later we was talking again. We met up and go to cinema, it was late, so i spend that night at her place in same bed with her but without sex. During that meet up she was asking what i want on my birthday and what qualities i value in a woman. Maybe second question was a shit test, i don't know.
In June after my birthday i had taken a vacation to Thailand. I tried to call her in november several times during some weeks and finally got reply from some older woman that she doesn't know who i was talking about and i should stop calling that number. Also she said that she got sick from my calls.
I came back to hookers. Tried to make relationship with another girl but outside of hotel room it wasn't work. She was kinda kinky and i did everything she wanted, so she gave me her personal phone number. We go shopping just one time, it was obvious that we don't have other connection than kinky sex. Later i got in some trouble with her bf but that's another story. So, around next november i called that relationship girl and she replied, we had some talk. We did not meet up anymore. But i still calling her sometimes but very seldom. In 2018 i called her just one time.
So, i don't know is that relationship counts or not but for me it was highly emotional, not just sex.