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Escalation - Public Masturbation

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    Sadly I can relate, I was watching porn at work and would park my van far from most of the public. There was a thrill in watching it at work in public but when I came back to my senses I realized I was being unproductive, risking getting fired and possible getting caught by other people.
     
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  2. I am thankful that my new office has a glass door (keep me from being tempted). There was a few years were I had a space with a solid door and lock. I figured no one would accidentally come in and I used to masturbate almost every day. Almost got caught by a cleaning crew but had just finished and was getting dressed (yes I was fully naked, made it more exciting - What the hell was I thinking) Hadn't really thought about the fact that they were paying me to get off - How selfish
     
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  3. Fast or Feast - Although I am more reflective of my habits porn/exhibitionism recently, I am hitting week two of manic binge. Slowed myself from any behavior that will get me arrested but resulting in excessive masturbation and porn consumption at home to replace the thrills/dopamine created by my sex addiction's worst manifestations.
    Does anyone else have a maniac/depressive cycle of acting out and abstaining?
    I hope the down time comes soon - this last cycle has been especially powerful. Not letting up.
     
  4. Exhibitionism and Voyeurism - Two Sides of the Same Coin?
    Curious to see if anyone out there that has issues with exhibitionism also have a problem with Voyeurism. Apart from some childhood 'peeping' into a cute neighbors window with my brother, most of my experience is with voyeurism involves watching other people masturbating. I had an apartment that had a view of the bedroom and office next door. For several years it was a beautiful girl that spent most of her time wearing panties and tank top and would regularly undress in front of the window - several times I would catch her pleasuring herself as she watched movies (couldn't see if it was porn) wasted hours/days/weeks hoping to see it again. The next person that moved in was a good looking guy and chronic masturbator. Almost every hour of the day when he was home was spent in front of computer or in bed wanking. I started masturbating as I watched him and started to be daily activity (many times multiple times a day for 2 years). It would be funny if that guy is on NoFap trying to quit porn right now and reading this post.

    The crazy thing was that I was living with my girlfriend (now wife), so when I got the urge to 'watch the window' - I got her hooked on video games so I could hear if she stopped playing in the next room and cover myself quickly and pretend to be playing on my phone if she came in to visit. I realize I could have been caught here too, but it intensified the orgasms so much.

    I think that part of my issue with masturbating in public is that at the time, I thought both of them knew that someone might see them, as they didn't put down their curtains, and it turned me on so much, maybe I could bring pleasure to someone watching me - pay it forward

    Slight aside - I was thinking of the idea that if a man walks by a house and the window is open and he sees a women undressing - He is a peeping tom, but if a women walks by a house and the window is open and she sees a man undressing - He is a perverted flasher.

    Am I alone in being a voyeur too?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2019
  5. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    The girl walking around in her panties sounds like a dream to me. It’s obviously where your peeping tendencies come from. Those powerful moments and images from your childhood have created a fetish in later life. I too have a fetish but have had it so long I can’t determine a single moment in my life where it has come from. I have to add that watching a guy Wank would not be my cup of tea, which further points to you being aroused not so much by the sexual stimulant but the taboo or risk of getting caught.
     
  6. Mattsfreedom

    Mattsfreedom Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry but I must chime in. Your story sounds exactly like one in the SAA big book. This is a type of acting out that I believe if you don't get a handle on you will be exposing your self to people in public places or while driving down the road, etc. There are many stories like this in the SAA book. I suggest that you at least give it a try and go to a SAA meeting in your area. Your other choice is most likely criminal charges.
     
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  7. Mattsfreedom

    Mattsfreedom Fapstronaut

    You're spot on and it will just escalate even more if he or her doesn't get a handle on it now.
     
    ryan23 likes this.
  8. B0bTh3Bu1ld3r

    B0bTh3Bu1ld3r Fapstronaut

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    I never masturb8ed in public and I was an avid player.
     
  9. Hey Mattsfreedom,

    Please don't apologize about chiming in - this kind of advice is exactly what I am looking for.

    I have read the 'big green book' and know the story you are talking about (crazy similarities right down to the fact that he was a professor). I have considered going to an SAA meeting but my wife is worried that somebody from the community will recognize me. She knows I have a sex addiction and lots of issues with pornography just not all the details. Maybe picking a meet up somewhere else in the state. It would be funny is everyone else from my town had the same idea and all went to the other meeting.

    A recommendation from the book as you are starting the first step to write a history of your sex addiction, from as far back as you can remember up to present trying to leave nothing out. I am working on it now, and let's just say it is eye opening. Unfortunately voyeurism and exhibitionism are not my only problem. It has been a very helpful exercise.
     
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  10. John_K

    John_K Fapstronaut

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    Risky behavior can be as addicting as porn. I know, been there myself. I got to the point I was masturbating in changing rooms at the store. Many times I found an empty public restroom and masturbated standing at the sink. The thrill associated with the possibility of being caught is a feeling you crave.
    Fortunately I never got caught.
    You have to establish boundaries (recognize triggers and avoid). I had an accountability partner that would call me to see if I had acted out or crossed any of my boundaries. I found that my risky behavior occurred after PM without O. If I was going to be in a situation I was likely to act out, making sure I got to the O beforehand helped tremendously. Also seeing people I knew face legal and professional consequences helped motivate me to stop.
    I still struggle with porn and masturbation, but I did break the public/risky behavior cycle.
     
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  11. As far as getting aroused watching a guy wank, I think like many here dealing with pornography that the escalation was gradual. I was already comfortable sitting in viewing room (a little cupola) and masturbating for hours on end while staring into my neighbor apartment, so replacing one naked human for another didn't even register. The fact that this particular guy shared my incredible sex drive didn't hurt. He started masturbating the moment he got home every day and would do it multiple times before going to bed.
     
  12. I don't believe it needs to be a single moment. Humans brains are complicated. I would recommend trying that exercise from the green book to make a sexual history from earliest memory up to present. I have been working on mine over the last few months. Warning it can be triggering so make sure you are in a good head space when reflecting. Not sure your fetish but it might reveal something less obvious.
     
  13. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    You are probably known as that guy with a notorious nickname by gym staff. Like when they see you walk through the door, they're probably whispering to their coworkers "look, it's the jacuzzi wanker".
     
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  14. Haven't established a pattern yet to have a cool nickname like that. More likely flipping a coin to see who has to collect the cum covered gym towels from locker room hamper. You bring up a good point though - Maybe I am not as stealthy as I think.
     
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  15. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Why wouldn’t they close curtains though lol
     
  16. That was one of my rationalizations. At least I wasn't an archetypical perv sneaking around in someone's backyard wearing all black and leaving evidence like the characters in Law and Order SVU.

    I am thankful I don't live in big city. I travel to NYC for work quite a bit, and every time I go I never get any sleep because I am fixated on the thousands of windows I can see from the hotel. Granted I am usually super sexed up when I am out of town because I know I have a huge clean comfortable room to myself to watch unlimited porn and masturbate until I can't stay awake any longer.
     
  17. Mattsfreedom

    Mattsfreedom Fapstronaut

    They're are phone meetings I believe a skype meeting, and one that's text only that I go to on occasion. The first time I walked into a local meeting I felt the same way. "What if someone I know is there" all that really means is that they are trying to get help with a similar problem too and is nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe another idea is discussing with your wife going to a al anon meeting. I would imagine she is probably hurting too and needs some help dealing with it.
     
  18. That is true that anyone there is looking for help too. Hadn't thought of it that way. I will look into each of those things. Thank you for the advice. My sister also offered to have me join her at her AA meeting, saying much of the 12 steps are similar and the support from others and hearing that they can make a change is inspiring. My wife is certainly hurting so finding some support for her too is important to me. Thanks again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2019
  19. Do you find it is beneficial to use both platforms in your recovery (SAA and NoFap)? Are they targeted toward porn in one community and sex addiction in the other or does it all blend together?
     
  20. This very encouraging. This last binge has been scary for me how quickly it escalated. Always thought I had it under control, but was just in denial.

    Interesting. Tragically my public masturbation recently is the result of trying to get out of house more and get some exercise to help cut down on previous at-home porn consumption. Maybe strategically keeping MO as an option, like you said, to take the edge off and keep me from getting into real trouble if I know I am heading into a triggering situation.

    Sadly, I work on a college campus and surrounded by cute coeds all day, so keeping my libido in check during the day has always been an issue.
     

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