back again...getting over cam porn

I realised that ever since i got a stable job again,i've returned to cam sites that charge like 50usd a pop. And it's 2 pops per host. I mainly go for bdsm mistresses that specialise in humiliation play. Yesterday i accidentally offended one of these mistresses and she told me to "borrow money from somewhere and pay them back when i got my pay and enter her room" when i told her that i dont have the funds for this month. Think that's realisation enough for me to stop.

And i've just checked my cam profile. I've been on this site for years and it seems that the total amount i've spent is nearly 10k.OMYGAUD...

i am so disgusted at myself. I have set myself a private goal of weaning myself off cam models first before anything else. here's wishing me luck. i'm going to deactivate the account.

 

i just deleted the account..i was about 5k more to becoming a VIP member. i left a long message on that domme's message box. thanked her for making me realise this and said goodbye. but god i feel so hollow now..

 

Here's my proof and reminder for me..

 

Tomorrow,I'm throwing away all my sex toys. That one's going to be a hard. Seeing as how I've spent hundreds of dollars on them..

 

The thing about it for me is that I still believe in the bdsm lifestyle. But what seems to be a huge throw off now is the amount of over compensation I do outside of a supposed session.

 

I now have a bigger reason to even stop fapping. Today after a session, I ended up with an inflamed penis after peeing(feels like you still want to go but nothing comes out,all the while feeling like it's on fire). I just came back from the doctor's. He said to lay off for a few days and it can kind of cause trauma but i shouldn't let it affect me. Though i didnt tell him that it was cause i jerk off like 4-5 times a day.

 

none taken. the minimum is 50 bucks. and the hosts charge about 2 dollars a minute,the highest being about 6 dollars a minute and the lowest being a dollar... and i've been at this for at least 5 years...

 

and yes it is tempting to go right back to them. telling the admin that i want my account back...