Physical Effects of PA on Partner

I had a lot of physical issues over the last 4 years. I physically get effected by emotional distress to name a few things incredibly bad back and shoulders pains, tension headaches, digestive issues, dehydration. I lost over 20 lbs for 3 years (it was unhealthy as I can loose total appetite from distress).

 

I have lost the ability to keep my shit together. And by that I mean my house, my schedule, etc. I am constantly stressed out and feel like I just can't keep it together anymore. I literally have not done my Christmas shopping yet. I have an hour an a half to do some today and a little bit of time to do some tomorrow and I have no idea what to get anyone, not even my kids. I cannot think straight. My house is a flipping mess all the time, I have no motivation to keep it up. Organization means so much to me and the fact that it is falling apart is killing me. And no one understands. It just looks like I don't clean the house. Hell, I am the only one keeping the rest of the family running when all I want to do is cocoon myself in my room under the covers and not come out for weeks. I don't have that luxury. I used to cook all the time and now we eat out or order pizza. I don't know what has happened to me, but I can barely function. I feel like the shittiest mom and wife. I don't sit around and do nothing so I don't get it. I am constantly moving and making sure everyone has everything they need and kids are where they need to be and hubs has his shit and I have my work stuff and everyone has eaten. I'm helping my oldest get in to college (we have a college visit coming up and are meeting with department heads, etc) and attend all her many activities (holy crap, she is the busiest kid on the planet) and my son wants no one but me to be with him all the time. But despite all that, I just feel like I'm falling apart and I can't keep up with anything. At any minute I feel like I could shatter.

 

Lots of water and a massage is good!

 

ditto

 

I started with this uncontrollable itch/scratching a few months ago. I know it's stress and anxiety. I have rashes all over that I can't stop picking at, I scratch and rub my skin so hard I have bruises on the sides of my thighs. The rashes bleed. I've put lotion on them and it doesn't seem to do any good. I still itch. Hydrocortizone doesn't touch it.
People have asked me if I've changed laundry detergent... nope. Washed my sheets and everything. Haven't changed soap either.
I'm just... itchy. And no matter how hard I itch it doesn't go away.
My shoulders and neck are constantly tense. I peel my lips. They bleed too.
Migraines, dehydration, tension headaches... all of it.
I feel you guys. It sucks.

 

ive thrown up, ( but not lately), ive gotten head aches, i slouch more, im EXHAUSTED. not just sleepy, i am simply EXHAUSTED. I just want to put life on pause and simply exist for a a lil bit. like 2 weeks maybe a month. then i will go back and try to deal with everything. my stomach is on the fritz. ive lost weight because of it. i don't want to deal with anything.
i used to be super fast paced with stuff, but now i feel so slow, and just simply don't want to deal with it. its exhausting to even think about. i wake up alot when i sleep now, ( he used to PMO when i was asleep).

i don't think ive described everything nor have i described this good but i crap even doing this is just .... i dunno i can't even grasp or organize everything that this has done to me.

 

I don't sleep now either. I used to sleep super deep and WS would take advantage of that and PMO when I was sleeping or even leave the house in the middle of the night and I'd never know about it.

After all this stuff came to light, I wake up a billion times a night in a cold sweat, freaking out. I'm so tired I feel like I'm walking around in a fog.

 

Let's all just hibernate for the winter. Yes?

Oh and did I mention weight fluctuations and insomnia? Part of the insomnia is because of my kitten running all over me in the middle of the night but I used to sleep through it... I feel you @Rachie.
I usually weigh between 120-125lbs but lately it's been fluctuating a lot more, between 115-130. My diet sucks, I skip meals if I'm too anxious to eat, I can only imagine what that does to my system.

 

Hibernation sounds amazing! Just put me in a cozy cave somewhere with blankets, books, and snacks and I'll be happy

I've also lost weight. I've been slowly losing weight on purpose for a year, but here lately, my weight is going down at an unhealthy pace. I just get so stressed that I forget to eat till I realize I'm a bit dizzy.

 

DITTO!

 

You know, sometimes I'll get hives or my whole body will itch for seemingly no reason, like my clothes are suddenly very scratchy or have been washed in something new. I've never had this problem before. It will come out of nowhere and last for a day or so and I have to take a non drowsy allergy pill to make it subside. I am not allergic to anything. I have never before connected it to this, but it does make sense now. Wow.

I have come close to throwing up on occasion but managed to keep it down. But I will go through cycles of what feels like hyperness/anxiety where my heart will race and I'll madly rearrange stuff (I was up until 4:30 am the other day just moving stuff around in the garage, but is it actually more organized? no.) and other times I'll feel lethargic and don't want to do anything. Except for at work, I'm busy there and have no time to put a thought into what is going on at home so I don't get these fluctuations there.

EXACTLY!

 

The hives thing sounds like hashimotos.
I have a couple of people in my family that experience this as a symptom.

 

I don't know if it helps to validate all of you ladies, but what you are describing are true reactions to trauma. Trauma manifests physically, emotionally, spiritually --- and if we don't get help dealing with it --- it won't get better. We've got to find what works for us to help ourselves heal and move this trauma out of our bodies.

I have the gamut - fibromyalgia, and much more.

Regarding vomiting - that's not really a bad thing (unless it happens frequently). It's your body's way of saying "this (trauma) is making me sick and I'm getting it out of my body" --- when I was working with a therapist on some of the trauma, she used Somatic Experiencing as a technique and we spent a good deal of time describing what I felt in different parts of my body. Anyhow, in one session, I told her I wanted to vomit. She asked me if I needed to. It's okay to let it out.

The most important thing is to do as much self-care as you can. Eat healthy food, drink a lot of water, move your body, and SLOW DOWN too, b/c we need to rest and heal. It's ok if the house isn't spotless. It's okay to take lots of extra time to rest. Listen to what your body needs. Prioritize yourself. You deserve it.

Me? I gave myself permission *not* to do anything for Christmas.

 

I am concerned for you. I hope you have proper medical care for this.

A woman in another group I being to (spouses of sex addicts - POSARC) actually suffered from "broken heart syndrome" --- bedridden for 3 months. I'd never heard of that. I asked my husband (a doc), and he told me it is, in fact, real. Stress/anxiety/ trauma can create havoc in our bodies.

I occasionally have had some heart palpitations (new to me) as I've been processing the trauma. If I can't bring them down naturally through breathing/rest, then I have an anti-anxiety med to calm it down. I'd rather not rely on the meds to calm me, but that's why I have them in case of a panic attack and such.

Hugs to you and your heart!

 

It's not Hashimoto's. I have an extensive thyroid history and these issues I mentioned are not related.

 

Glad to hear it's already been checked and ruled out

 

Unfortunately, as most of us moms know, this is virtually impossible.