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Addicted (Not a necessarily long post)

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by JimmyParacas, Sep 26, 2014.

  1. JimmyParacas

    JimmyParacas Fapstronaut

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    Enclosed text is optional


    Hi, new guy here.

    The text enclosed tells a bit of my life story. Basically I've been addicted to videogames and porn nearly all my life, have barely known anything different. Skip it if you want to.

    Hope I don't get banned or anything for such a long post
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    Very Optional-To-Read and rather arrogant Life Story
    When I was five years old my parents gave me my first video game console, and that became my life. Just video games, zero friends and a broken home.

    Then I turned 14 years old and by mistake, mistyping the name of a web-site (yahhoo.com was what i wrote), I ran into porn for the first time. From 14 to 16 yo my life was porn and videogames.

    At 16 an older girl, Emily, fell in love with me. She was 22 and lived in a different state. We had phone sex most of the time, and the times we met we had what I now see as "binge sessions of real sex" for 2 or 3 days. She kinda looked like pocahontas, only shorter, and very well-read. I joined a gym because I guess I felt intimidated by her college friends, and because I wanted her to be completely obsessed with me. So by my 17th birthday my life was gym, phone sex, videogames and porn.

    I cheated on Emily several times over the years, mostly just kissing other girls. She cried like crazy, over the phone, when I told her what I had done, but she was dependent on me and wouldn't let me go. Guess she became addicted to the phone sex (masturbation) and sex-binging as well. Or maybe she fell deeply in love, and had a very low self-esteem. Myabe I was too hot to handle XD, my very few long-time friends tell me at that age my body was unbelievable, but my self-esteem was so low that I don't notice the difference even today, when I look in the mirror.

    I broke up with the long-distance girl after having found David Deangelo's stuff. With the pick-up artists's theory, and a little help from my hard-won gym physique, I got myself an unbelievably beautiful girlfriend when I was 23. She was thick, fit, with black hair, white skin, part time model and literature student, quirky, giggly, sexually starving, bisexual, and extremely fucked up in the head. Raped during her childhood repeatedly by two different step-dads. Her name was Karla. I think for me, Karla's only two caveats were that she was frigid (couldn't have orgasms unless she helped herself) and had small breasts. Everything else I loved about her. Everything. Including her perversions. We would do it like bunnies and then we would spend the night talking about books and mystical stuff, having dinner, never geting tired of each other. Still, I masturbated to porn during that relationship, to big-breasted women who had mulitple orgasms.

    While being with karla I kissed another girl, a model with humongous breasts. Karla cried like crazy and ended up sleeping with one of my best friends. I guess It was some sort of revenge because she picked, out of all my friends, the black guy with the huge endowment. I still have severe trust issues from that episode, and from me being a jackass my entire life.

    Fast forward to being almost 30 years old, today. I discovered meditation and attempted to fix my life. No relationship as worked for me since Karla,I can't even date unless it's with not good looking women who have zero self-esteem. If you read all of this you probably realized I'm not just addicted to porn or masturbation, but to sex and to the adrenaline of both chasing women and playing videogames.
    End of Optional-To-Read and rather arrogant Life Story :)
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    Long story Short

    Point is, those two addictions, videogames and porn, ruined my entire life. I only discussed the relationships, but I also have no job, no girl, and studied a career I don't like. I have lately developed PE and ED. I'm sick of this.

    I already got rid of my videogame addiction when I started boxing. Gets all the anger out. But not the sex addiction. So now I try this. This is the most difficult thing I have ever tried. I can't sleep, my scrotum feels like it has fat leprechauns hanging from it, I get angry/sad/panicked out of nowhere...

    However, I did spend two weeks without a reset... And only resetted to a one night stand before realizing I wanted to try hard mode nofap. Which means I felt the Surge... the superhuman stuff... And I gotta tell you, it's just as addictive, specially when you super-perform at boxing/weight lifting, even though my body looks nothing like my teens (nobody notices anymore) XD.

    Wish me luck, sorry for the long post, and please let me know how I get badgers/counters.
    Love ye all

    Jimmy from Paracas
     
  2. DonkeyRobus

    DonkeyRobus New Fapstronaut

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    One thing that helps me bro is just go do something else, go do some work or an asignment you have due, just something to keep your mind of it, im also new so i am having just as much troubles as you, like ED and stuff. You got to fight through it because you're shaping a better you :cool:
     

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