Making NoFap PERSONAL (super long post)

Edit: This post isn't thaaat long. The only important part is everything before the red font.

So as some of you may know, for the last week or two, I've been working on a super long post that I broke into several pieces (@ned123 I know you wanted me to tell you when I did this). This post is the final culmination. I am putting it in one place for two reasons. For one, I plan to read this everyday. The second is to provide a sample to others so that you can do the same thing.

There's a lot of advice out there, but I feel not a lot of it is centered towards people like me, who can easily get a 30 day streak, but have trouble making it a lifetime commitment. This post is designed to combat that. This post is about me writing everything I can to make this journey as personal as possible. Everyone here knows porn is bad for us. But that's not motivating enough to get people to quit. It needs to be personal. For instance, a smoker might know that smoking is bad, but not feel motivated to quit until he or she realizes that they are spending $2000 a year on cigarettes, can't keep up with their children in a game of basketball, or sit still in a business meeting. Maybe this is not a perfect example (since I barely know what I'm talking about since I don't smoke), but knowing that something is bad for you is not deep enough. Once the problem is personal, the motivation becomes sustainable.

So for my porn history, my biggest realization is the 3 blue lines in my signature. Personally, I relapsed 3 or 4 times and all 3 or 4 times I did not feel guilty like you would suspect. If anything, I felt happy and relieved. You see the problem: Not feeling guilt after relapsing is detrimental to sustainable motivation. However, what I did realize is that those negative emotions that you'd expect (guilt, anxiety, and negativity) always came a few weeks after. Why? Because I've always gone back to PMOing everyday after a relapse. There's my sustainable motivation! After relapsing, I always end up PMOing everyday, and only when I PMO everyday, am I not happy. So while one porn session won't hurt my happiness, it will inevitably suffocate my happiness in essentially two weeks. This is what my signature says. This is huge for me. Why? Because I made this problem personal. I figured out why I personally want and need to quit.

So, I urge you to do something very similar to this. @Machin has followed and done the same thing but 100X more in depth than me in his journal, if you want to read his. (Machin: Hope you don't mind my advertising). In your journal, start including things like why you want to quit. Why do you even watch porn? What are your life ambitions (Not to be tangental, but read this post to realize the importance of setting goals). Make it as personal as possible. I never really knew why I wanted to quit until this very streak. I knew all the benefits, but since they were not personal, I didn't care about them when I was trying to fight urges. Now, since I care so much about the reasons for quitting (such as what I described in the above paragraph) I feel so much stronger. I feel sustainable motivation.

So you don't have to read all my personal goals and reasons for quitting, but I recommend you read the titles for inspiration for your own "Making NoFap Personal" post.

But I digress. Here are the 6 parts.
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Part 1:Complete List of Why I Am Quitting Porn
(Only using self-based evidence)​

• When I watch porn,
  • I get easily annoyed
  • I am rewarding myself for doing nothing
  • I don't have energy to have simple productive days
    • I make excuses to put off goals - short term and long term
    • I place blame
  • I procrastinate more
  • I PUT OFF ALL MY GOALS (I know I'm repeating, but this is so important)
  • I am escaping emotions when I should practice facing them. Generally speaking they are:
    • boredom (the big one)
    • stress
  • I lose my desire to have passionate sex
    • For example, the thought of giving head excites me only when not watching porn. Without PMO in my life, I am truly excited by the prospect of turning a girl on.
    • Also, when not PMOing, the classic, "boring" missionary position, actually excites me.

• When not watching porn,
  • I have much more time on my hands
  • I don't have to time masturbation sessions around when my roommates are gone.
  • I don't have to worry about whether my roommates think I'm masturbating in the bathroom.
  • I can truthfully tell my friends that I don't watch porn (and give them reasons to quit as well without being a hypocrite)
  • and let my friends use my phone/cpu, it is so LIBERATING knowing there's no porn in my recent history.

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Part 2:Why I Watch Porn ​

I watch porn when:

• I have an emotion that makes me uncomfortable
  • BOREDOM and I don't want to feel bored anymore
  • HORNY and I don't want to feel horny anymore
  • LONELY and I don't want to feel lonely anymore
  • CRAVING and I don't want to crave porn anymore

• I start fantasizing about
  • A particular porn scene I've already seen whether it's:
    • One of my favorites
    • A scene I haven't seen in ages
  • A perfect porn scene I haven't seen yet, such as:
    • A well-known porn star doing something novel
    • My favorite porn stars doing something novel
    • A particular combination of porn stars
  • My past sexual relationships

• I get an erection because
  • My hand is in my pants
  • I'm humping my bed before going to sleep
  • It randomly happens to us throughout the day

• I feel super relaxed
  • I have the thought, "An orgasm would really hit the spot."
  • Usually have the feelings
    • after an intense workout
    • after a great nap
    • when I'm in a sauna

• I rationalize watching porn substitutes:
  • "Well I was watching this movie with nudity anyway - no harm in rewatching the nude scenes."
  • "I stumbled on a suggestive advertisement (that I wasn't originally seeking) - I'm allowed to view it."
  • "I'm allowed to click on a link that I contain porn substitutes as long as I 'X' out quickly."
  • "I don't want to view pornographic content - I'm just curious."

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Part 3: Goals​

Educational

• Reading
  • I've been reading a lot lately and want to keep it up. Just bought ~30 books (self improvement, fiction, fantasy, and medically related) and I want to read an average of 30 minutes a day
• Writing
  • I've been writing in a journal everyday for the last year (it's a "Few lines a day for 5 years" journal). I want to consistently write in it once a day instead of backtracking several days like I have in the past.
• Cooking
  • Learn how to make 3 new dishes for each meal that I can repeatedly and easily make.
  • Make a compiled list of every dish I know how to cook

Social

• Work
  • Know all ~150 names in less than a month
  • Become good friends with 3 co-workers
  • Do not complain about my boss at all (this might be extraordinarily difficult)
• Pick-Up Game
  • I've gotten better at approaching women over the last few months. However I've never done it sober and would like to be able to do so.
  • I would also like to advance from simple approaches to working towards mid game
• Family
  • Call parents twice a month
  • Communicate with siblings once a month

Physical Health

• Triathlon
  • Complete the half-ironman triathlon in under 6 hours in June
  • PR the DC Half-Marathon in March
  • Have a full-fledged training schedule by the end of January
    • Swimming ~5 times a week
    • Lifting ~2 times a week
    • Running ~3 times a week
    • Biking ~3 times a week
• Ankles
  • Incorporate ~10 minutes of ankle exercises everyday
• Nails
  • Completely rid of my compulsive nail-biting habit.

Mental Health

• Meditation
  • Learn about it
  • Incorporate ~10 minutes of meditation into my morning routine
• Sleep
  • Read, "Take a Nap! Change Your Life" and incorporate a 20 minute nap into my routine
• NoFap
  • Do everything in my power to be fully clean by May 2016
  • More specific goals to be discussed in Part 5 of this series
• Self-Improvement Log
  • Thankful List (every morning, log something I am thankful for)
  • Meditation Log (every morning, log the amount of time I meditated for)
  • Remind myself everyday to be positive and make the most of each day

Finances

• Record
  • Continue recording all my expenses and earnings on my excel sheet
• Save
  • Have saved 50% of my earnings by May 2016

Other

• Cleanliness
  • Maintain a clean apartment such that I'd never be embarrassed if people came over

Every day from this point forward, I will either be doing one of 3 things

1. Accomplishing micro goals (i.e. to-do list items; e.g. clearing space on my cpu, returning phone calls, etc.)
2. Working towards long term goals (i.e. anything on this post)
3. Accomplishing long term goals

Imagine this: Everyday for the rest of my life I will be working towards accomplishing a goal that is important to me. That is a fantastic way to live.

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Part 4a: My Personal Emergency Tools​

• If fighting an urge, read this article. If you still want to PMO after reading, be my guest...
• Video: "Why the People of NoFap are Successful"
• Watch a grasshopper eat a bug -> Lose your erection
• Words of wisdom from the legendary @aron
• Words of wisdom from the legendary @William
• Another encouraging post by the legendary "William"
• A TedTalk about "Emotional Hygiene"
• This awesome success story
• This scene from Lost
• Terry Crews telling us about how HE quit!
• A response to a Fapstronaut who wants to cheat on his gf
• A reddit post titled, "Don't Do It! Message to your future self"
• @MercenaryKing's talking about his friend's "God Mode"
• @NoneForMeThanks's "One Year Speech"
• And of course: The Famous Emergency Tool

Part 4b: My Personal Motivational/Educational Tools​

• The most fundamentally important article
• A similar post by the same guy^^
• A super helpful post by @SnowWhite
• An article about forming habits instead of goals
• Words of wisdom from the legendary @aron
• Words of wisdom from the legendary @William
• Another encouraging post by the legendary "William"
• The most important question to ask ourselves
• No Arousal Method
• A post I wrote to @Gaston after he relapsed
• @Spinnaker's post to a fellow fapstronaut
• @fercho29's "Personal Toolbox"
  
• Recovery Nation --> will be using this daily to combat my 40 day slump.

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Part 5: Combatting the 40 Day Slump​

1. Reading this 6 part post EVERY DAY
   1. To reaffirm my goals
   2. To reaffirm why I am quitting
   3. To allow myself to measure my progress
   4. To force myself to login to NoFap.com everyday
   5. To allow myself to edit the posts as necessary.
2. Focus on being happy and making the most of my day
   1. AKA: Live in the present

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Part 6: Triggers and How to Combat Them​

Triggers and How I will combat them

• I'm bored
  • Do something productive that will make me happy
• Hand in my pants (for warmth)
  • Will stop putting my hands in my pants
• Nudity/sexiness on movie/TV show (where I have the ability to rewind and rewatch)
  • Keep watching as if nothing happened
  • If having an urge to rewatch:
    • Stop film/show
    • Remind myself that it is just digital and I have nothing to gain from rewatching
      • The ONLY possible positive to gain is satiating my curiosity
      • Am I going to fucking succumb to curiosity?
    • Refer to my emergency tools if necessary
    • Delete the episode/movie as soon as finished watching (I've rewatched nude scenes as a porn substitute in the past)
• Alone in the apartment
  • Do something productive that will make me happy
• Porn scene pops into my head
  • Don't let the next thought be about porn
  • If struggling, imagine the woman as a shriveled-up burnt corpse
• Rock hard erection
  • COMME des FUCKDOWN; it's just a boner
  • Meditate

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I commend you for finishing reading this (or at least just scrolling to the bottom). I highly advise you do something like this for yourself! Best of luck!

Life is awesome. I'm pumped.

 

Beautifully and succinctly said!