Hey there, this is my story :)

Hey there! First of all, thank you for taking your time to read this I found out about Nofap from a friend about half a year ago, and decided to give it a try. But I was in a much different place in my life at that time, than where I am now. Which is both a good and a bad thing. I restarted several times, but at one point I lasted about 25 days without PMO, which was quite the accomplishment for me at that time. But anyway, since then I kind of gave up the idea of NoFap once again and went back to my old ways because it was something that I enjoyed and no longer really saw a reason to stop. Partially because I didn`t really think it was possible to stop. Only recently did I find out for myself that, it really is possible.

Let me backtrack for a bit though and tell you some history. I started PMOing from a very early age. I was quite the early bloomer you could say. Growing up in a very religious family I always felt very guilty about it, but would still do it, and then beg for forgiveness, and then do it again and the cycle was basically endless. I suffered with depression, and still do although I was never diagnosed or got professional help for it. PMO was something that felt good and helped pass the time since I had nothing else to do, nor wanted to do anything else.

Almost a year ago I had my first relationship, first everything basically. But PMO was still part of my life, and part of my ex`s life. But it made me feel odd knowing he was doing what I was doing and on top of that, our reality together wasn`t as sexually satisfying as I always imagined it would be. Everything moved very quickly and then we broke up and that was that. Before the relationship I was basically a cam girl but for free because it was just fun, but I stopped that while we were together, and then resumed after we broke up about two months later. The whole online video chatting resumed and I really missed it and still very much enjoyed what I did as kind of a hobby. I was single for a long while since then, although came close to getting into a relationship with other people several times but never did. Going into my senior year I told myself no more relationship, I had to finish school and steer clear of anything more than friendship. Keep in mind that all this time I was still PMOing, tried stopping a few times but was never actually dedicated to go for longer than a few days. It was a part of my life and I was no longer uncomfortable with it since I met a lot of friends who were very understanding and many of them were in the same PMO boat. This was just my life and I gave up the idea of stopping. I enjoyed my independence and didnt want to be in a relationship partially because I thought I would feel trapped and tied down, I wasnt ready to give up the things I did.

But of course I met someone, and he really liked me. For a while I resisted the urge to be interested at all because of the reasons listed above. But after a while of knowing this person, we got to know each other and got closer. Let me spoil the story though, we never officially became a couple, but everyone knew him as my boyfriend and vise versa and to me the title didn`t really matter. He knew my reasons for not wanting to be official. I told him not to ask me out because it was a question I didnt want to answer so he didnt. About a month after being together, my opinion on the relationship thing completely changed, I was ready. He knew this but whenever it came up he would say that he was waiting for a special moment to do it. Which was fine although to me any moment with him was special. But I didnt mind because to me what we had was more real than anything else Ive ever felt before, so it didnt bother me too much. I said that Id say yes no matter what, and it was his call to make.

Anyway, this relationship is what made me realize that yes it is possible to stop PMO. Before I did it because P was great, and reality was pretty crappy. And then when I met him I stopped. At first I edged a few times but never gave in completely and then kinda stopped all together. But for the first time reality was better. We never actually had sex and he was a virgin, although we did other things than PIV. But I was willing to wait as long as it took, even if it was forever because it was so worth it. I never thought I would catch myself saying that until I met him and it was worth it. I didnt care about PMO anymore and he didnt do it on his own time either. And honestly it made me feel better knowing I wasnt mentally being compared to any porn stars or what not. I felt good about myself. And the way he made me feel was like cloud 9.

Then a month ago it all kind of came crashing down. It felt like the rug was pulled out from under my feet and I landed face first in the mud. My heart felt like someone took it and held it together from falling apart, and then threw it at a brick wall, shattering it into more pieces than it was before. My life went to shit, so did my self esteem. I went straight back to PMO, and over the past month ive gained back the weight I lost before the relationship and more. And I no longer cared. He lost feelings for me apparently and it devastated me because it was so sudden, and then he basically pursued someone else right in front of my face, which hurt like hell. Still does. So currently Im still trying to get over him. I know I need to move on, I just dont really know how or where to go from here. They say it takes half as long to get over somebody than you were together. And its been about a month now, which is half of it. The girl he was after lost interest in him and I feel sad for him, while wanting to strangle him at the same time. So that`s kind of why I decided to come back on here again. And try this again, because now I know its possible. Although I no longer have a relationship which made up for it and more, but at least now I know I can do it. It`s just a matter of determination and motivation.

I need something else than PMO to pass the time. The online cam chats have never been the same since. I cant imagine another man next to me or touching me, it makes me sick. Seeing him still hurts. But I think I can finally say that I`m getting better. So yeah, theres my story and reason for returning to NoFap, if you`re still reading this I want to say thank you once again for bearing with me. Feedback would be nice

 

Thank you so much for that! Its not a good feeling going through the motions but hearing about you and your husband makes me happy and gives me hope. And I`m glad to hear that it got better for you.

 

Thank you so much for your response! Its very encouraging to hear that Its worth it in the long run because a lot of times I still have my doubts. Stay strong, thank you again!

 

Thank you for responding! I appreciate it and I completely agree. I'm trying to focus on the now and live in the present. Yesterday was a bit stressful and frustrating. The past kept coming up in my mind and I was almost ready to quit everything I started but in the end I realized my determination for the long run is stronger than my doubts. Hang in there!!

 

Sadly theres quite a few girls that are just as hooked on it as guys. Thank you, likewise!

 

Ive been chatting a lot less recently and this week i decided not to go on any of the chats at all and try to be as clean this week as possible and see how it goes. The temptation to temp others is strong but not as strong as me. And along with tempting others im always tempting myself and i dont want to keep doing that so thats my plan for the week. So far so good. Thank you for responding!

 

Hi again! So with the new year since I started working out and went on a diet and began eating a lot healthier. I`ve lost the weight that I gained from comfort eating and am planning on losing more and amd working on getting in shape. I embarked on this journey with a friend which definitely makes it a lot easier and very encouraging. I feel so much better about myself already and I`m finally starting to fall in love with my body. I am so happy with the results and so excited to see the results in weeks and months to come. My heart is thankfully healing, although some days I find myself still hurting. But I know for sure that I am so much better off now than I was when I first made this thread here. Im determined to never give up. Taking the advice from the movie The Secret I`m doing my best to focus on what I do want rather than what I`m unhappy about. And I am beginning to understand the Law of Attraction. My advice to all of you would be to focus on what you want rather than what you`re hurting about. Work for what you want and don`t get discouraged if you don`t see immediate results. Hard work pays off in the long run, just be patient. Stop focusing on NOT PMOing and focus more on living. When you catch your mind wandering do your best to redirect your thoughts to something else. Feel free to message me if you need some encouragement or want someone to talk to. Or advise on hanging in there. I understand the struggles and would love to help

 

I apologize if its starting to trigger you. It`s definitely an aspect of the internet where a lot of people get their "fix". I havent really seen any posts similar to mine about the cam stuff. But hopefully my journey will be inspiring to anyone in the same situation. Best of luck to you!

 

Thank you I appreciate that

 

Thank you so much for your ou so

Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot. I really appreciate it.