Gonna be a new me.

Hi all.

UK male here who has been into porn and masturbation since I was 10.

I was a late developer and was paranoid that I wouldn't be able to jizz. This started the masturbation. Coupled this with a frenzied obsession with any images I could find of women and the whole thing has pretty much dominated my life. I can go a few days at a time without anything but then binge. And I suffer with mood swings self loathing and low mood.

I have a long term girlfriend and it has affected my feelings towards her. And as I historicity use porn and literature to aid sleep have been rubbing one out in bed once she drifts off.

Last year I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have started looking into possible cures. Today i stumbled across a ted talk of.your brain on porn and a light bulb switched on. I have a problem with porn. And there is a sollution.

Wish me luck guys.

Oh and is there a guide to the abbreviations? PMO? MO?

 

Thanks, thought it must have been something like that.

So day 1. Well this is odd, as above I have gone a number of days without pmo in the past and not given it a thought, but today, knowing more about the grip this thing has had on me for over 25 years has left me wondering with every twitch from my trousers or glance at a woman, was it an inappropriate or twisted thought, or my subconscious trying to coax me towards pmo.

I will beat this, knowing the brains tricks will help me. But I am under no illusion that it's going to be easy.

 

Ok. Nearly a week now
Last night my girlfriend flew out to Geneva so was home alone which was a massive trigger. Normally I'd be straight to the pc or ipad almost as soon as she had driven off. But I didn't!!!!! Took the dog for a walk. Chatted to a neighbour which is totally unlike the old me.

I had some food and a bottle of wine. Also a trigger. Watched the rugby. And when the demon made itself present looked at the nofap emergency page.

I'm so chuffed with myself. And again this morning I resisted by getting out of bed and getting on with my day.

Don't get me wrong. It is tough. The ever present urge is there. But If I focus on something else or look at this website it goes away fairly soon.

How am I feeling? Confused because so much of my previous alone time was taken up with surfing the net and PMO that I have this feeling I ought to be doing something, but I known this is a trick my addiction is trying to play on me and it will not beat me.

However I feel proud of this achievement and cannot remember if I have ever gone a week without fapping since I picked up this filthy habit.

 

Pinched ftom a different forum. But really handy for me


A few things that I've implemented since joining this site are:

1) Set my homepage to http://www.nofap.com/forum/forum.php
2) I'm keeping my door open at all times to make it hard to PMO. I live with two female roommates.
3) Bookmarked http://emergency.nofap.org - it works best if you don't keep hitting refresh but take what you need from it and move on.
4) I'm taking cold showers.
5) I did some research on http://www.yourbrainonporn.com and watched the Ted talks videos there.
6) I'm reading/posting as much as I can on this forum.
7) I'm keeping a daily journal and created a counter to track my progress.
8) I wear a rubber band on my wrist that I snap whenever I have a sexual thought or become aroused.
9) I flex all of my muscles rhythmically whenever I feel like I'm going to get an erection to direct blood flow away from it.
10) I've watched "Sacred Sexuality" videos on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/user/SacredS...sort=da&view=0

For brand new members I recommend doing these three things:

1. Create a journal and post in it everyday, especially when you get urges. Just writing down that I have an urge helps to alleviate it.

2. Set a goal and create a PMO counter to track your progress. Copy and paste it in to your signature. (You can edit your signature in your account settings.)

 

No worries. Click the link In the post above
It's a NoFap motivational page. It has sections for depression rejection or just plain normal urges. where if you are feeling an urge load it up and click on the appropriate link to revive a quick reminder why you are on this journey.

Oh and I'm new too. But one of the cool things about this forum is the shared experience and realisation where we have been going wrong bonds us together so welcome.

 

Ok. how's everyone doing? I'm day 10. Feeling the powers return, recognising the strengths I used to know and feeling pretty awesome about life again. I'm more happy and less tetchy with my Mrs. This is like witchcraft.

Keep at it guys.

 

Ok. Day 11. It's a Saturday and the missus is having her nails/hair/eyebrows done.

Normally I'd be on the pc or pad fapping. Not today my chums. I mowed the lawn. Pruned the apple tree and vacuumed the house. Sense of pride is growing.

 

day 25. Still going strong. It's Saturday morning, and the old me would be looking for the perfect video while the missus is out walking the dog.

I've set my fantasy rugby team for the final match of the 6 nations, and we are off out to go shopping in a bit. The old me would have found an excuse and stayed home to you know what. The new me has found my joy again. It's incredible that I was blind to what has caused me so much mental turmoil over the years.

I had a bit of a flat line between day 14 and yesterday which was tough and I could still sense the dragon on my shoulder urging me to lapse, but each day the urges got weaker, and each day it seemed less effort to exercise will power.

This challenge is winnable. I have no wish to let this streak die. I am going to be the me I should have matured into around puberty, I feel like I'm reclaiming my potential.

Edited, cap spelling and I'm not sure where my signature bar has gone.

Either way, I'm on my way to being the new me.

 

Wow, the was a close one.

I saw in the news about a star being born w75n something, it's 2 pictures taken 18 years apart showing the big bang and expansion of the star and solar wind. i wanted a high res pic for my screen saver.

Typed in the star name into Google image search. (Should have realised the potential triger) And up pops some images of a star, but also some erotica pics In the results. Nothing obsene, just a glamour shot, but I could actually feel my brain go, Wehey ! And it trigered some pretty intense urges. I'm in hard mode and 100% on track to fixing myself. But this was a challenge I had not anticpated.

I could feel the receptors in my mind Surge into action and flood my brain with dopamine. I very nearly clicked on the pic. But realised this would be a one way ticket to failure.

Im proud to say that the webpage got closed and rather than fap, I came straight here to take mu mi d off it,

However, it's a bit like saying to yourself, don't think of a pink elephant. All you can see in you minds eye is a pink elephant. And now my mind keep flitting back to the image. I can tell that today is going to be a challenge. I will need to dig deep.

 

Day 40. Yeah. I never thought it could be done. Be strong people.

I have however put on about 8kg in weight.

 

Right. Update. I think I'm nearing 60 days now. Things are pretty amazing.

I'm better. More focused. Stronger willed and nearing the person I always knew I could be all thanks to this place.

Each day that passes I have noticed a conversation that could (would) have gone much worse if I had fapped myself to sleep the night before.

Yeah the sacred Sexuality vids are ok. But I get more from the science behind this whole thing.

Don't get me wrong it's been incredibly tough at times. Sleepless nights. Triggering thoughts and images on telly or just in media in general. But. The further down the road you get the more the benefits become aoparrent and they outweigh the deadcert pitfalls of relapsing .

I owe so much to this place. It has literally turned my life about in an incredibly positive way.

 

Update. How the mighty have fallen.

Back to square 1 after well over 100 days. Be careful out there kids. Don't get complacent.