For those seeking inspiration

Hi everybody,

I have something for you here, and I think you might like it. It's inspiration.

First of all, let me introduce myself so that you can get the background needed to follow this text: I'm a 27 years old guy who recently realized he was addicted to pornography and masturbation, and fought and won a battle to enhance his life experience by eliminating that bad habits. My life changed, and I honestly believe that quitting PMO is at the foundations of that transformation. It took my a while to post here, because I wanted to be sure about those changes (specially concerning stability), but in the end I felt like I owed inspiration to this community, since it was very helpful to me throughout the process. There goes my story... (sorry for any english mistakes, it's not my native language).

It's not easy to rationalize what's wrong with your life when you don't feel right. I see now what I was doing wrong, but at my times of suffering I didn't have this clarity. You see, Ever since puberty kicked off I was unsatisfied with my life. I wasn't as shy as most of you probably are, given the posts I read here, but I was not happy. I used to hang out with the popular guys and girls of my school/college, but mostly as a "nice guy satellite" kind of guy. And I didn't like it. Although outside I made it appear like I was doing fine, but inside I felt insecure, afraid, tired, sad, always coming short of what I thought it was ideal. And although I'm a highly educated guy (I'm a doctor) I couldn't figure out why I felt like shit most of the days, and more important, how to heal myself. I had my times with the ladies, but I must say I suffered from erectile disfunction and premature ejaculation (most of my sexual encounters were unsatisfying for me because of that).

I believe the first time in my life that I perceived the power of nofap (actually, the power draining of fapping to porn, but we'll get to that later) was a random moment when I was about 20 y/o, when by a chain of events I didn't fap for about 15 days. I didn't see then, but I now understand why I felt like a superman during the last 5 days of that streak. I felt confident, positive, emotionally unattached to outcomes (results that magically appear when you let go of them), and all of the other "superpowers" that come with nofap witch I'm sure you read about already.

Then I got back to PMO, and my life came back to chaos.

Then I found about "Your Brain on Porn" while surfing 9gag, and after I watched it I decided to give it a try. I wasn't very enthusiastic at the time, because I had tried a lot of things to improve my life, and couldn't make it right, but I took a shot anyway. Of course you know, at the end of the 15/20 days of nofap I was God himself again. So, having now the theoretical knowledge to understand why, I saw what had happened before.

This post isn't about teaching how to do it, because it would make a really big text, it's more about showing you that PMO is a life sucking activity, such as alcohol or drugs. I don't think quitting PMO is becoming superman, I see it as removing the kriptonite (saw that in another post, credits to whoever wrote it).

I don't know for how long I haven't fapped/watched porn now, but certainly for more than the classic 90 days. To be honest it's been probably more than 6 months. On this time, I started working out (so now not only my body looks better, but feels better), have been studying a lot more, working a lot more efficiently (since I can concentrate and am not that big pile of tired meat and bones), and I'm feeling good as I never thought I would.

One more thing that deserves special consideration. I'm now dating the girl of my dreams. I'm not exaggerating, she is a gorgeous girl I had an intense crush for the last two years or so, and she is now my girl, and I can see in her eyes and in the things she does that she is as in love with me as I'm with her, and guys, let me say it: this is a priceless feeling. I got back on track on my sex life, meaning I don't suffer from ED or PE anymore, and consequently I'm not afraid of girls/sex anymore. I'm enjoying that relationship to it's fullest and I think that is worth the hell you go through when you start nofap.

I think PMO cuts you short of your full potential. I don't think it's a miracle solution to all of your problems, but I see it as a chain. You got a lot of problems, and they form a chain. Once you cut loose of one ring it's easier to cut the others. For instance, I didn't have the stamina to work out, and, because I cut PMO, I felt that energy coming back and started doing it. After a few months doing it, I looked better and felt better about myself, witch gave me the self confidence to approach sexually the girl I really wanted in a proper way. Did nofap solved my relationship problems? No! But it led to it indirectly. I believe that if you cut any ring of that "chain of feeling bad" it will help you improve on the others, but PMO is a big one. (I'm positively sure I wasn't clear expressing it, but damn, it's everything so clear in my head now, and still it's really, really hard to put it on words).

Anyhow, it's a big thread already, and I realized here that it's harder than I thought to put it in written form, but I think it might help some of you at least a little.

Again, sorry if the english is not perfect. If anybody would like to ask something more specific about my journey I'd be more than happy to detail it a little.

Keep pushing it.

Much love,
A guy.

 

Glad to notice I was helpful to some guys..

Holty968, I actually can't tell exactly when the PE was gone (how long it took), but I remember this: it was first gone in my mind, then in reality. I was having regular encounters with a girl (not the one I'm with now), and I was still suffering from PE (witch she didn't seem to mind, by the way, because she kept coming back).. And then, one day I woke up feeling confident, and somehow I knew I could last longer in sex.. That very day I called the girl, she came, and I had a very long time sex session with her (she absolutely loved that!).. But I realize that is not helpful to you. I've been there buddy, I know how awful that feeling of not being able to satisfy a woman is, I get the despair you might feel right now, but don't give up.. I know for a fact that it's only in your mind, it's not who you are, it's a phase you're going through. (I'm very enthusiastic about this, because it was the number one thing I hated most before, so I'll help you as much as I can). A few things that helped:

1) Don't rush sex: start slow, make out for a while, feel your girl. Kiss her, touch her, smell her, take your time.. I read somewhere a little advice that helped me a lot.. It's called the hands off technique.. Start making out, but do not touch the girl's boobs or vagina until you are exploding with desire. In fact, try to not touch those parts at all (you'll notice that sometimes the desire is so big that will outgrow your self control and you will go for it almost involuntarily, and thats when you want to go for it).. This "uncontrollable desire state" is exactly where you want to get (I know it sounds counter intuitive, but trust me here, it won't hurt to try once). The fact is that when you are in that state, you go back to your primitive state, and you just KNOW what and when to do stuff. You shut off your rational brain that says the stupid "I can't control myself, I'm going to cum!" bullshit. Once you penetrate her, start slow. Move yourself slow, don't go for savage sex. I found the "nice and slow romantic sex" is a better approach if you suffer from PE.

2) It won't happen as quickly as you want: Curing yourself from PE is not as much as a healing process, as it is a learning process. You actually have to LEARN to control yourself, and not CURE yourself (I don't think that applies to those rare organic causes of PE, but I certainly worked for me, and will probably work for you). That requires practice. And I mean real practice. I know what happens when you suffer from PE (been there). You start being afraid of sex. You start imagining yourself cumming before time and disappointing the girl. And you really, really want to get cured first, and have sex after. Let me share a piece of reality with you: it won't happen like that. When I seriously decided to change my life and started nofap (no PMO), as soon as I started feeling my penis working again (after a period of flatline), I started engaging in sex. I had 5 or 6 girls (several intercourses with each) before I had that night I wrote about above when I got rid of PE. But each night I learned a little more what worked better for me. I learned about my body. I learned about my mind. I LEARNED. And because I learned I now KNOW how to delay ejaculation. (Got myself clear? Sometimes I'm confusing with words.) It's a knowledge.

3) Breathe slow: that one is simple: in the midst of intercourse, slow your breathing. It's instantly helpful.

4) Start and stop: During my research on PE I came across a video that said "Be like L.A. traffic, start and stop." Now, I've never been to L.A., but I got the message. Start sex (penetration). Feel like cumming? Stop for a while. Change position. Go down on her for a while. Or else, just hold still for a while. 20 or 30 seconds will do. You might think this will bother your partner, but it won't (a girl actually said to me it turned her on when I stoped for a while and started over. By the way, she had no idea why I was doing). If she asks what's wrong put on a confident smile and say: "If I keep going it's going to be over too soon." It's no big deal. You'll quickly learn to do it so smoothly that she won't notice you doing it to delay ejaculation. Believe me on that, it'll look like you've got the moves!

5) Don't try to avoid ejaculation: This is a big one. Probably the biggest. Don't try to delay ejaculation during the sex. Don't keep thinking obsessively about that during the intercourse. It's anxiety. It will make you cum. It's pretty much like jumping off an airplane. You don't go to the airplane to decide if you are going to jump or not when you are 17,000 ft. high. You decide on the ground if you are going to jump or not, and then go for it. It's the same here. Decide before you start the making out that you are going to last, no matter what. Because in the midst of the hormonal tornado that is sex (specially mixed up with anxiety) it's very hard to control yourself. Find the strong person I know you have inside of you (we all have) and make that decision. And when you start having sex, feel it fully. Again, feel your girl, touch her, kiss her, ENJOY her. What's the point in even having sex if you are going to feel like a threatened rabbit during it? ENJOY it fully. And if you feel you're cumming before time go back to item 4 and STOP. And then start over. Eventually you get over that. I promise you.

Again, sorry for any english mistakes, I did my best to avoid them.

Much love,
A guy.