Building a Positive Mindset, One Small Habit at a Time

Why I'm writing this post

One of my greatest issues when I started NoFap for the first time - and one that still follows me around every time I try it - is overcommitment. I always expect a lot from myself, even though I'm just getting started. I make these all-encompassing sets of goals that are completely impractical, and end up paying the price.

But I've gotten better at it, and I want to share some of the things I've learned, as well as some good techniques for setting goals and managing expectations. A lot of this comes from Duhigg's The Power of Habit, but it's advice I've heard in a lot of places in many different forms.

Why do we overcommit?

The main reasons that we overcommit are:

• We want to change our lives and become the person we should be now
• We don't want to feel like we're "slacking" - we want to be like our accomplished friends who do "everything, all the time"
• We believe our commitments are "small" - no way we can't keep them all, right?

But isn't making commitments just a reflection of ambition? What's wrong with that?

There's a difference between ambition and zeal. You wouldn't go to the gym, put 300lbs. on the squat rack and attempt to do a set of squats if you'd never done a squat in your life before! And yet here you are, committing to "10 Daily Habits that Will Change Your Life" when you've never even had one daily habit that you've committed to, ever. Start small.

So what to I do? How do I squat 300lbs. of habits?

Like a lifter would squat 300lbs. - start small and increase the weight at regular intervals. Pick one small, easy habit and do it once per day. Meditation is the classic. Ideally your habit should be accomplishable at almost any energy level, and take under a minute to complete.

You can "increase weight" every once in a while - I recommend every week. You can either add another small, 1-minute habit, or increase the duration of your current habit by a small increment (like 1 minute).

But if I only do one small habit per day I'm just slacking around... I can keep more habits per day than that!

Just because you're only committed to one habit doesn't mean you can't do other positive things during the day. The point is that on your absolute worst, crappiest day you should still be able to maintain your small habit. If you're having an average or even good day and can do more, great! But keep it to one small habit as a commitment to start.

Ok, but I have more good habits I want to try to start building. What do I do?

You can keep a list of "bonus" habits that are completely optional. If you complete a bonus habit on a day great, and if you only complete your committed habit also great. The point is that you should feel content just keeping your committed habit and you shouldn't feel guilty for not completing your bonus habit. Don't fall into the trap of treating your bonus habits as ones that are mandatory - I do it all the time, and it bites me hard, every time.

It's all about building mindset.

Just as exercise is about building muscle, daily habits are about building mindset. Your goal is to show you and nobody else that you are capable of starting and maintaining habits. If those habits happen to be positive and have an impact on your life, great, but the main goal is shifting your mindset.

Help! I missed my habit! I'm a failure! I can't keep my commitments!

I once made a commitment, using my own guidelines, to meditate 1 minute per day. That's it. And I missed day 3. I was in a pit after that - it felt like I couldn't do anything. But then I did something worse than missing a day - I stopped trying. And it cost me weeks of progress.

This is another lesson that can be learned from this method - hopping back on the bandwagon. If you miss a day, it's ok. Try your best to get back on the wagon as soon as possible, and remember to not beat yourself up about it. In a way, hopping back on the wagon is the same as keeping your commitment - it shows you still care and want to make a change, whether it's a day, a week, a month, a year or even a decade after your last successful completion of a habit.

Man, you must be some kind of commitment god to come here and talk about all this!

Nope, I've only got one daily commitment thus far, and I haven't been that great about keeping it. But just getting to this stage has changed my mentality, and taught me a lot of positive lessons. Bla... bla... journey that counts... bal... bla. But seriously, that's what it is.

I encourage you to try this methodology. The hardest part is changing your mentality, and accepting that one small habit is enough. It can be a very humbling and difficult process if you expect a lot of yourself, but it will ultimately teach you a lot of things about your own thought processes. And the more you know about you, the closer you'll be to achieving your goals.

Stay strong NoFappers!

 

Bed making is a great one! Solid choice!