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Going MO free, but still P?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by masterjedi, Jun 28, 2016.

  1. masterjedi

    masterjedi Fapstronaut

    Didn't know if I was going to actually join or not. I've been addicted to masturbation since I was 12, roughly. Didn't see anything wrong with it as a kid. I've tried before many times to quit as I got older. I would usually last a week or so, then something would happen and I start up again. Now, 30 years later, I'm still addicted.

    Trying to stop once again, I've actually been doing fairly good, I think. I'm currently on Day 60 of a... 100 Day challenge, I guess?

    My concern though, is that I am only just masturbation free (and orgasm). I am still looking at porn, I still write erotica, and I still cybersex with someone online. I don't know if that is normal or not, but it seems to help get some of the urges out. It is very hard not to do anything, but so far I'm managed.

    Is this normal? Is it good? Am I cheating?
     
    Cockyau likes this.
  2. SDPS

    SDPS Fapstronaut

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    You'll know what works for you and what doesn't. It depends what you want and based on that you'll know if you're cheating. You've set a target of 100 days. What do you want to achieve by then? What's your end game? Where do you want to be with your addiction? Will what you're doing accomplish this or are you just creating a crutch to hobble to the finish line?

    Consider it like any other addiction. Sometimes substitutions or supplements can be useful - think of nicotine patches for cigarettes or methadone for heroin. Your decision to continue using pornography may be an example of this. However you also may be just replacing one addiction with another, especially if your pornography use is linked to your masturbation urges. Try to make sure that by the end of 100 days you've made progress and set a platform for future success.

    You know yourself better than some anonymous stranger on the Internet does so ultimately you're going to know whether what you're doing is going to accomplish your desired outcomes. Best of luck. :)

    (I must admit though I'm surprised you can go 60 days fap-free while continuing to engage with erotica and not feel... well, pent up. I tried something similar in what I would consider a failed attempt to alter my problematic behaviour and it was pretty uncomfortable.)
     
    masterjedi likes this.
  3. masterjedi

    masterjedi Fapstronaut

    Therein lies the rub, I'm not exactly sure what I want out of it. Some days, I don't want to watch porn or masturbate ever again. Other days, it's all I want to do and I enjoy it immensely.

    A few months ago, I deleted all my porn from my computer. Pictures, videos, it was an epic collection of 500GB. I felt the instant gratification and remorse at the same time. I look at pictures and read things online still, but I stopped watching videos and movies.

    I started this time around because of my newborn daughter who just turned 1. I didn't want to waste time with PMO that I should be spending with her. I also haven't had sex with my wife since she was born. I'm just not into real sex? Takes too long, gets hot, and I usually only orgasm during masturbation anyway. I do the death grip too much.

    So I guess this challenge was to try to reset my sex-drive, except so far, it hasn't really done anything. I just want to masturbate more, except I can't.

    In the end, I just want to be normal.
     
  4. SDPS

    SDPS Fapstronaut

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    Don't feel too down on yourself, this sort of thing is tough. The fact that you're mindful of behaviour you're not happy with and doing something to alter it means you're in a good place even if you don't quite know exactly what you want. Anyone who's willing to engage in self improvement is okay in my book - especially when it's as tough as conquering an addiction can be.

    It's okay to not know exactly what you want. It may come to you later, it may change, it may develop. You don't need to do everything all at once anyway.

    What you have done sounds really positive and sounds familiar in many ways to my own journey. Long before I decided to take the steps I currently am I altered my pornography habits. I deleted things, I cut out certain websites, I limited how many sessions I allowed myself, I limited the mediums I would engage in, I certainly cut out some of the weirder fetishes, (which has been marvellous for my self-esteem.) Every now and then I'd abstain for a while just to make sure I could. In my head I knew I didn't want to necessarily get rid of it out of my life - the promise of a reward P+M session was often my motivator for periods of abstinence. It was one of the pleasures in my life after all. At my most depressed I consciously realised it was often the only pleasure I had. I also had a form of FOMO, (fear of missing out,) which is something, admittedly, I still have though it has declined significantly in importance.

    But while all these attempts or whatever you'd call them didn't on their own help me really deal with the addiction it laid all the groundwork for where I am now. And where I am now is a place where the idea of cutting pornography from my life is more appealing than engaging in P+M. I didn't think I'd be in this position even a month ago and I'm still trying to work out what exactly triggered it, (it's been a long time coming but when it hit is was like a light switch.) I'm going to ride it as much as I can anyway for the sake of my self-esteem, for the sake of personal development, for the sake of feeling that I am in control and for the sake of feeling, as you put it, normal. Above all for the sake of the things in my life that are so much better than the temporary pleasures associated with PMO. By the sounds of it you certainly have that going for you.

    It's going to be a journey though - as it will be for you, as it is for everyone here. But make no mistake; you are on that journey and if you persist you will succeed.
     
    masterjedi likes this.
  5. Oct2011

    Oct2011 Fapstronaut

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    I am glad you have found this place...

    I was addicted to this stuff for more than 20 years....I am now 4 and a half years clean....I thought I was going to lose my wife and kids....

    I suggest you read Joe zychiks book....it's a free ebook on the internet sexualcontrol website....

    After that I suggest you do the sex addiction workbook by Tamara spraga.....

    These things really helped me....and without them I would not have done it...

    I am glad you want to change....knowledge about this is very important in letting go...

    Remember pornography makes you not have real sex with your wife...pornography also has victims....all those porn actors and actresses are all victims....you woukd not want to support that industry....

    Good on you for trying to make that change and looking for help....

    Always remember you are a great guy...with great qualities...you have just forgot that....you are much better than sitting in a dark room looking at that stuff on the screen....you are so much better than that....
     
    masterjedi likes this.
  6. Bartimaeus

    Bartimaeus Fapstronaut

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    Read the articles on yourbrainonporn.com. You'll find that the porn/fantasizing/etc. is more harmful than the M or O. That's where the addiction is. When you start abstaining from that, then you'll even begin to feel the chemical presence and withdrawal of the addiction.
     
    masterjedi likes this.
  7. masterjedi

    masterjedi Fapstronaut

    Thanks, you've given me a lot to think about and decide what I want to do. Day 100 will be August 1st, so once I reach that I will decide if I keep going.

    Either way, I've cut back on the porn even more, no more cybering or erotica, photos are now more Playboy-esqe than Hustler-types... and even those are dwindling slowly. I think it helps to realize that I am not alone in this and that others go through it as well. Even if I go back to masturbation in the end, it's good to know that some changes have been made and I am able to succeed if I choose to.

    Thanks.
     
  8. masterjedi

    masterjedi Fapstronaut

    Thanks. Just had to give up on something that I've enjoyed my entire life. And that I've never had to experience life without, not really sure how that is supposed to feel.
     
  9. masterjedi

    masterjedi Fapstronaut

    That's what I was wondering/afraid of. Why I've been trying to slowly limit the amount of porn. Unfortunately, my mind has a very active imagination and I doubt there is any way to keep me from fantasizing/thinking about stories and scenes in my head.

    It's hard to shut the brain off... except when I'm trying to study. Lol.
     
  10. Calvinklein

    Calvinklein Fapstronaut

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    Honestly i think you are doing the worst thing mate. If it was no p just mo i would have liked it a bit but p and no mo is a big no no.
     
  11. masterjedi

    masterjedi Fapstronaut

    Gotta start somewhere... but oh well.
     
  12. Bartimaeus

    Bartimaeus Fapstronaut

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    Gets easier over time. Still P with no M is the worst. It's not treating the addiction and also not providing relief of the tension you're building up. The only way to get sober is to stop the drug, and that's the P.
     

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