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Join me: Rebooting to June 20 - 90 days!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AdamPeterWUK, Mar 22, 2015.

  1. It's now over 3 weeks since I fap'd. Awesome!!!
     
  2. Kurapika likes this.
  3. It was about this time exactly four weeks ago that I started this thread and I wanted to share my journey. Last time I was still awake until 4 in the morning due to PMOing. This time, I woke early, felt a little lonely and triggered, so decided to connect with you all.

    I'm really pleased to report that I'm still clean. I think the reason for my feeling triggered was that last night I was at an event and connected with some women. Nothing happened apart from some cuddles, but I felt quite turned on. I've relatively consciously steered clear of anything that would do that.

    I want to get back with my relatively recent ex (split 5 wk ago), and so haven't been looking for anything else. She's just got back from 3 weeks out of the country, and we talked yesterday: and we are meeting on Tue eve. This is really positive.

    I think the awareness that she may come back into my life sexually has meant that it's switched something back on that I'd unconsciously switched off. And then with these cuddles turned me on. Also I've done some searches on Facebook recently and it automatically showed suggested results which were related to the fetish I used to be triggered by.

    What has really helped me over the last 4 weeks are four main things.

    The first is I have a real desire to re-wire my brain once and for all. This is the foundation of everything, and without this, I wouldn't have had 28 days NoFap.

    The second is I have a tool which means I can do that called the Lightning Process (http://lightningprocess.com). This has been transformational for me: and is the main reason why I'm feeling happy and fulfilled after spending years experiencing anxiety and depression. If you are deeply committed to your recovery, I can't recommend it enough.

    The third is I've chosen to trust myself. For over a decade I had an Internet filter (eg Net Nanny/K9 ) on all my laptops and latterly my smartphone. I got a new smartphone 5 weeks ago, and chose not to not install K9. I did have one slip, 4 weeks ago which led to me starting this 90 day challenge.

    Now I also have no "protection" from myself on either of my laptops. This has been so liberating. The challenge before had been that there was always a way round the filter to find something that I could fap with: K9 'protected' me from 99.99% of what is out there. But there is so much out there that 0.01% is still enough to feed a compulsion. Which meant that whilst for at least the last 5 years I managed the compulsion (fap'ing on average once per week),

    I didn't liberate myself from it. I felt it had me, and the only way I could handle it was to try to protect myself. This meant my brain was still wired for fap.

    I can now look for anything: something I thought would be very triggering, and was before the first two things came into play. Now though I see it as liberation: I can look for anything: and I don't want to look at anything.

    The fourth is that I've been doing #100HappyDays (http://100happydays.com) on Facebook. I decided to start doing this the day after I'd finished the Lightning Process training. This is because I wanted to consciously re wire my brain for positivity. And use my smartphone to achieve that. And it's working! My smartphone is now a tool for me to connect with my happiness and spread joy to others. The spreading of joy is because it has had the unintended, but delightful and humbling, side effect of inspiring others.

    This brings to mind one of my favourite quotes from a woman called Marianne Williamson:

    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

    It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?

    You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

    We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

    As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
     
    SerpentEagleHeart likes this.
  4. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    Amazing and inspiring @AdamPeterWUK! You're doing so well, that's so awesome!!!

    Also good luck with your ex. Hope it works out for you in whatever way is most beneficial.

    As for me, I am doing... fine. Got to 18 days with this challenge then reset three times in a week. Now back in the game as it were.
     
  5. I wish I could connect with you guys more often. I dream of establishing a brotherhood or a kind of humanitarian society, but each of us lives apart on the geographical scale. Well, I have sold my last laptop before I risked relapse (habits die hard like hell). I threw out my laptop again so I'm on here by sitting in the local Internet café.

    I have been rising up early in the morning, lately, and begging God to accept my repentance and reassign me as one of His elect. I am trying to develop a part of myself that I felt was stolen or held back from me, i.e. my then-forgotten spirituality.

    If this makes my story sound more interesting, I walk to a nearby mosque and watch the Muslim neighbourhood faithful wake up early before sunrise and head to it for Islamic worship. Except, of course, I don't go into it with them; however it's good to pay attention to the world around you.

    I have been clean for nearly two months now, and being celibate, meant that my battle with PMO was really a lifelong battle and I was well-prepared for it before I joined NoFap but I needed this place to keep me on track. I have too many objectives on my mind. Because I have been trying to stop PMO for a long time now, I did not suffer such horrible withdrawals as I was afraid of suffering from because my psyche was already expecting to be clean. Living near the heart of the city, I try to meet new people – at least one new person per day, to re-structure myself with the social world and subconsciously learn to respect human beings as God's creation or His children.

    Well I gotta jet. I don't have much time and I need more fresh air. Sydney has been raining and pouring endlessly, and gloomy weather makes people stay indoors more but when I return home I won't be triggered by anything until I feel confident enough to buy a new computer without returning to my PMO addiction. Peace y'all!
     
  6. Sorry for the late reply @Shadowscholar.Glad to see making progress towards self-improvement.I am struggling with morning urges brief flashes of porn images in my mind.I edged a few times becuase the urges and stopped suddenly.I wont edge again.90 days wont be no easy walk in the park.
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2015
  7. How about buying some jogging gear and have them ready by your bed in the morning?

    So as soon as you wake up, take a shower and go out for a stroll, jog or run. Stretch, play aerobics, bounce a basketball or a yo-yo.

    The devil is more active in the free time when you are not active.
     
    The 1000 Water Fists likes this.
  8. Kurapika

    Kurapika Guest

    I am really happy for you Adam , I have gone to 10 days then relapsed and I am starting again.
    Keep strong.
     
  9. FreedomIsHere

    FreedomIsHere Fapstronaut

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    Keep it up man! Your words are very inspiring and motivating!
     
  10. I am in too :~) Good strength to everyone :D
     
  11. @SerpentEagleHeart Keep going buddy! And it didn't go how I'd hoped with my ex... AND I responded by allowing myself to feel the sadness, rather than Fap'ing... and now I've a renewed vigour to win her heart back
    @Shadowscholar Great to hear from you, and thank you for that vulnerable and honest share :)
    @The 1000 Water Fists Fantastic to hear your commitment: hope you are doing well
    @Kurapika Sometimes we have to start over again to find what we were to begin with. And thanks... you stay strong too!
    @FreedomIsHere Thanks buddy!
    @Anne-Dauphine Glad to have you on-board!

    Hope everybody in NoFap is doing well :)
     
    Kurapika likes this.
  12. Mr.NoFapster

    Mr.NoFapster Fapstronaut

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  13. Beatsher

    Beatsher Fapstronaut

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    I'd like to join in, but i started 3 days ago - will you have me?
     
  14. @Beatsher - you are very welcome to join: this is a day at a time... then a week, then a month, then 3 months... until we've re-wired our brains for NoFap!

    @Mr.NoFapster welcome on board the good ship "Join Me"!
     
  15. Five weeks and NoFap!

    Hope everything is going well for everybody.

    Yesterday was interesting. In the morning I had the 'completion' conversation with my ex-girlfriend. What was clear was she loved me and thought I was a fantastic person, but couldn't live with me. The core reason was, as she said, "sometimes you didn't want me, but you did need me".

    Neediness kills love. And what was even worse, was that for various reasons, one of them being porn, I sub-consciously didn't feel she measured up. She definitely does: she's the most amazing woman that I've ever dated, but I constantly lost connection with that.

    I now recognise that her leaving me was the best thing for me: it is my opportunity now to spend time unconditionally loving myself and embedding that self love into my psyche. When I've embedded that into me, I will be able to truly love another.

    Later in the day, I went dancing and at the end of it, I had connections with two women which had strong sexual energy. Whilst this was happening I was also focusing on self love. This meant that whilst I was turned on, I didn't get overly plugged into fantasises of where the connections may go.

    Then later still in the day I went to an art exhibition and I was watching a video and unexpectedly some porn appeared. As I didn't expect it at all, and I immediately left the room, I'm not going to re-set my timer. However it is interesting how the image of this porn is burned in my mind. I don't want it there, it is just there. I think this shows that my mind still craves the porn. Even though I only saw 1 second, it was all my mind needed.

    Sometime in the future, it might be a 3 months, it might be 3 years, I'll be able to have the same experience and the image won't remain in my mind, it will pass, like any other
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2015
  16. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    Ah! Amazing post @AdamPeterWUK! I resonate so much with it. Glad you've come to a good conclusion about this ex-girlfriend. You're doing so well, it's so exciting!

    Also great about these two women when you went dancing. #superpowers? Lolz.
     
  17. It's been a while since I posted: how are you all?

    I've continued to be NoFap. And there are occasional moments, like just a few mins ago, where my brain thinks "hmmm it'll be ok to go on Twitter and look for pics".

    Due to my own desire to stay NoFap, and also my commitment to you guys that I'll do 90 days, this is only fleeting.

    But it is still there, so I need to be honest that there is a part of me that still has that compulsion. I'm not out of the woods yet. I actually feel that it'll take me maybe a year of no solo PMO before my brain rewires. Day by day, I'm doing it though :)

    Let me know how you're doing. I really wanna hear from you guys!
     
    Kurapika likes this.
  18. ryousekki

    ryousekki Fapstronaut

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    Goodluck in that 90 days :)
     
  19. I'm a little bored, lonely and sad. So my mind fleetingly flirted with a brief fantasy of the fetish I used to be compulsive with.

    And so I picked up my phone and wrote this message. Then I'm going to put my phone down and go to bed.

    I am recovered. Day by day. I am recovered.
     
    Kurapika likes this.

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