Do Urges Last Forever?

I had a friend who was a recovering alcoholic who hadn't touched the stuff for several decades, but he said he still wanted a drink every day.

I'm curious, fapstonauts who have gone 90 days+ (or 200, or years): does the urge to PMO diminish or go away entirely, or if it is a lifelong struggle? I feel like during some of my longer streaks (only around 30 days so far), the urge is less frequent, but when it hits me, it hits me hard and persistently.

 

My husband says that the urge to PMO goes away completely. It is an artificial urge your brain creates to get more dopamine so it is natural that is goes away eventually. The urge to have sex with a real person will emerge and is a much more natural feeling and easier to control.

 

No, it never goes away. I really don't believe so. It's not bad though. There are some days now that feel harder than the first ones. I guess it's why it's an addiction. Especially since it's our bodies vs ourselves. For me, I knew I quit as soon as I realized that it was FOREVER, that I would NEVER AGAIN watch porn nor masturbate. It's super weird, but the second I realized that, I broke down in tears because I was terrified; it's a scary decision to make not to do something you've indulged so hard in, forever. But as soon as the decision was taken, NoFap became INFINITELY EASIER. INFINITELY EASIER. Still super hard sometimes, especially since the plethora of mental health diseases I suffer from accentuate it, but trust me, it's easier. I definitely agree with your description, it's exactly what I'm feeling too. Much, much, much less urges, but when they come, it's tsunamis. I mean, I think that lifelong struggle is true, but I also believe that it comes a time when you don't see it as a struggle. It's just life, idk, it becomes normal and part of the routine, you honestly don't notice it anymore. But I haven't quit since long enough to tell you.

EDIT: oh, I also think that what you said, @Limeaid , is super accurate. The urges are DEFINITELY different. I don't crave porn for porn, I don't want to masturbate for the sake of it, I want it for WHAT THEY REPRESENT, for what they stand for: real human interaction. It's a billion lightyears apart as cravings than the old ones I had. That's why they're so strong imo.

 

What Anne said. Of all the people here, you can always trust what she says.

Keep going. Porn is not an option. Keep going. Keep going.

Billy the Kid.

 

I'm so honoured omg, you have no idea how many people your thread helped, including my sorry ass. torrusr, you definitely can trust the one and only William too

And yeah, nothing is an excuse to relapse!

 

Hum yeah definitely, as FF said. I rebooted around 6 months, the double of 90 days. Personally I think it's because I wasn't super serious with my reboot. I believe it's a reboot when you manage to smoothfully include the urges in your daily life, and this is done with what FF said, "change your daily habits, change your attitude towards life, focus on goals, make plans and decisions, etc". The urges go away because they're not urges anymore I think. Also super agree, PMO is escapism, it's crystal clear, and quitting DEFINITELY WORKS. I sound like a predicator but based on my own experience, it definitely works. Not in the superpowers sense, in the giving life a meaning back sense, and also self-improvement is addictive.

 

My husband has been in recovery for 2 years now so maybe those cravings really will go away for you too. Although I do think "once an addict, always an addict" to a certain degree perhaps it's the resistance that creates those cravings or urges? Maybe by moving on with life and finding healthy ways to feel connection to others that urge gets squashed. There is a saying "what you resist persists" so perhaps that is true.

Very interesting discussion. The idea of urges has always fascinated me. I am not a porn addict but I have other vices of course...we all do.

 

Thank you all for the feedback. I am still on my path, and just want to know what is in store for me. Even if that means they never go away completely, I'm prepared for that. I'm sure it is the same as other vices. My mom quit smoking for over 10 years, but the day her mom died, she smoked a whole pack. I quit drinking coke in college but about twice a year, it's the only thing I want to drink. I don't think I could ever completely stop eating pizza I have been really into this book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg, where he states the Golden Rule of Habit change: "You can never truly extinguish bad habits. Rather, to change a habit, you must keep the old cue and deliver the old reward, but insert a new routine." Kind of frustrating and encouraging at the same time, right?

Anne, you have a great way of explaining things. I respect your posts because of your experience, not because you say things in a way that demands my respect. I'm sure you've read posts that do the latter. Very "holier than thou." Thank you for your input! "It comes a time when you don't see it as a struggle. It's just life." Love it.

I also know exactly what you mean about accepting that this lifestyle change is forever, and how scary that is. I see so many posts about trying to go a certain amount of time, and even the counters we use seem to imply a "let's see how long I can go until my next reset," mentality. There's an assumption, conscious or not, that there will be a "next time." With anything comforting, we're afraid to let go, like saying "I'll never sleep in a comfortable bed again," or "I'll never be hugged again." Right now, watching P is like getting a big hug in a comfortable bed, so that is what I hope changes for me.

 

@torrusr it's exactly that!!! You put it in such good words, your examples ring so true. Argh I neeeeeed to read this book, if I had an euro for everytime it was mentioned here I could pay myself a personal Rihanna performance.

Thanks man, I hella appreciate. I'm not sure my experience is that worth it, knowing how much it was done with considerable pain, and I def don't think I'm better than anyone here, etc etc etc, but if I can help I'm happy. After all we're all here for a reason.

Well I believe there's too kinds of fapstronauts - the "self-improvement" ones and the "addicts". The first do challenges for some time, and tbh it's what NoFap was at first. But for some people it's a much deeper problem that only can be treated by abstaining forever like alcoholics. I'm part of the club woohoo.

And also let's not forget that often PMO is a symptom and not a cause. That's why the excuses are so common and easy to indulge in, because the problem is often so much deeper than just PMO. I used to PMO because I was terrified that no one would ever love me... I'm still afraid sometimes, but I understand that PMO just make it worse.

@Limeaid wow congratulations to your husband, respect! I agree with "once an addict always an addict". It's hard to balance, if it's not PMO it's something else... But I also believe that perfection is unhealthy and just plain unattainable and the most important is to do the best we can, not the best we want.

 

@Alchemis7 I can totally see why you're saying that but I respectfully disagree, because there's a reason you've became addicted in the first place and the paths engraved in your brain are very real. I do not believe urges disappear totally. Even if I was happily married, which in my case would be healing the wound you're talking about, I'm sure that my mind would still precisely think about all I've done and urges would be there. They may considerably reduce, I truly hope so, but for me it seems utopian to believe that urges disappear once you're fully healed. I also don't really believe you're not an addict anymore if you have been once... What I' trying to say is that if right now I log into a porn site and indulge into a ten second clip of the first video I stumbled upon, I'm back to it, forever, and I'm never quitting again. And it's not like I just started NoFap.

Perhaps PMO is really different from other addictions. I'm copiously incapable to give up smoking.

 

Actually I want to precise that the urges did went away for a long time but came back as soon as my personality disorders kicked in. So there might be hope, definitely.